Familial Ties

January 25

This year we had a simple Chinese new Year reunion dinner with tai yee and family as she was not up to travelling back to Taiping to join the rest of family since she started on chemotherapy for breast cancer. Her next and third treatment was scheduled for the ninth day of Chinese New Year, and she would have another three more to go.

Adrian and I drove over with the three dishes I prepared. She insisted on preparing the soup and stewed mushrooms. We had a quiet dinner, during which she thanked us for spending the time with her and family, and for supporting her in various ways. We assured her that we would try out best to be as supportive as we could in any possible ways.

Privately as I ate my dinner, I replayed the words of my grandma who told me that my tai yee, when she was single and staying with my grandparents, had took care of me when I was a baby. Each morning she made sure diapers were laundered before she went to work. She helped to feed and care for me.

She took care of me when I first came to KL to work after my sixth form before I went on to pursue my tertiary studies. She took care of me when I was recuperating in her home from a surgery more than three years ago. She is more than an aunt. She is half mum to me. Her fight against breast cancer gave me heartache although I never expressed it much, well, perhaps my exasperation when she made excuses not to undergo the chemotherapy treatments.

But what made it worse is the fact that I am unable to prevent anxiety and depression spells that would ravage her mind, and the fear in her heart. I am unable to give her much in return for her generosity and kindness over the years except words, visits and buying her meal replacement supplies. Hard and mixed feelings that are difficult to be described; helplessness, exasperation, anger as to why she, with little education she received, having slogged her whole life for her family and children is inflicted with such dreaded disease. Yes, her golden years may have been prolonged thanks to early detection and treatments, but she should be enjoying herself, doing the things that she likes, spending time with her husband and friends.

Nowadays most of us are so caught up with our busy lifestyle and daily routines that most of us (or maybe it is just me) take family for granted. It only when we are about to loose them (or one of them) that we become more conscious how distance the relationships are, and we have taken for granted that they would always be with us.

Life is short, and everyday with family should be like the CNY reunion dinner, a time to come together for quality fellowship. It is heartwarming to see some families so closely knitted and spend every weekend together in some family activities. Some of us do not have the opportunity to have such closeness and warm relationships but that should not stop us from seeking and building one for ourselves, with future generations. It has to start somewhere.