When I Becomes We

August 13

Happiness was written on J's face when she shared with me that her partner, M proposed to her last week. She did not see it coming, she said, and it caught her by surprise. On one of her slender fingers was a huge, beautiful solitaire.

General perspection has that women would want their men to pop the question, be it an expression of sincerity, or a surprise that would bring about the rush and elation of being proposed to after a romantic dinner. Many would have had dreamt or envisioned how their weddings would be like. The big day, with perfection and grandeur in even the smallest of details.

From selecting the date for the signing ceremony to the perfect theme that best depict the union, from selecting a perfect pair of wedding rings (or bands, and mind you, there is a difference) to elaborate princess like gowns and charming suits for photoshoot, from planning the extensive guest list to door gifts, dinner reception venue layout, decor and menu. Those of Christian and Catholic faiths, there is also the pre-nuptial preparation course that a couple is required to complete six months prior to the big day.

My sister's wedding is coming up end of the month. The last i checked was the invitation cards were almost ready to be delivered to her guests. Earlier she had been in a dilemma in picking the right venue for her dinner reception, which was a battle between cost and setting & look. Was it a question of keeping up with modernity, or feeding one's ego (because do not want to 'loose face') or showing off to others, or was it a question of sharing the memorable day with family, friends, and guests. What have weddings become?

Every wedding is a beautiful memory and celebration, be it a simple signing ceremony, an outdoor wedding on the beach, in a garden, underwater or up on a mountain, or a extravagant elaborate grand wedding befitting a royalty. It's an expression of two soulmates' desire to spend the rest of their lives together, in happiness and sorrow, in sickness and health, for poorer and richer, for as long as they live till death separates.

The essence of marriage lies not in how beautiful the wedding ceremony or photos were, or how many guests attended the dinner, or even how unique the invitation cards were, or how well the decorations were done. These, after all would lie in the back of our memory as years pass on. The wedding album would likely be stored in the drawer, and the wedding gown in the closet (hoping to preserve it long enough to pass on to the daughter).

Being married for not too many years, I am no expert in relationship or marriage. One thing I do know is marriage states one's willingness to take chances in loving the significant half. To me, it is a lifetime journey of seeking and discovering the many treasures (and dumps,haha). A journey that moulds two individuals to be one, without losing individuality. Marriage is about acceptance, sacrifices, sharing, motivating and understanding. It is not about doing a favour by accomodating, and expecting the favour to be returned. It is about 'he' before 'i' (or 'she' before 'i'), and 'i' becomes 'we'.