The Opposite of Fate

July 24

This blogsite was created when my friend, Nicholas encouraged me to start my own blog, so here I am trying to get something up. (Thanks Nick, for such faith in me :P)

Sitting in front of my laptop, I am trying to think / recall what I had been up to, to get things going. The Opposite of Fate ( http://contemporarylit.about.com/od/essay/fr/oppositeFate.htm) is the title of the book I am currently reading. Bought from the bookstore over a year ago whilst I was waiting for my flight to Jakarta, I left it on the shelf, and had not done justice to it. Over a week ago, I picked it up and started reading. The Opposite of Fate saw the author examining her relationship with her mum, and as I was reading, I started examining my own dysfunctional family.

My relationship with my parents was in a way exasperating, hollow and bland. When my dad passed away in 1991,not a single tear was shed although I wished I had. It would have been easier for me and my siblings, relatives and cousins at the funeral. I just didn't . Simple truth - i was not touched to the core with grief; and that was because I was never raised by my parents. I had never lived with them. My maternal grandparents and aunts took on the task of raising me. I never got the toys and luxuries a child should have had because my parents never bought me any. I never discovered what birthday celebrations were like until i was 21 because I never got any cakes or gifts from them. I was out of their mind most of the time.

After more than 30 years of physical and emotional detachment, I would think I have forgiven my parents for what i deemed as failure to carry out their responsibilities as parents. Without doubt, my maternal grandparents and aunt did a great job, and provided me the necessities, including pocket money for school, and later university. My dad had long passed on, and my mum approaching age 60 soon. Looking back now, perhaps they'd have done better had things been different, and earning was not as difficult as it was. Is this then the opposite of fate for me? I wonder....