To Draw a Line or Not

July 19

I got into a lift in the office building that I am working in and I saw a delivery guy holding a bouquet of flowers. Nothing fancy that was eye-catching; just olive-green-and-pale-cream-coloured wrappers, big bow and leaves that accompanied the few stalks of off-white lilies and anthurium. I found out later that the bouquet was for a married lady from a male whom I was told happened not to be her husband and that was the second bouquet of same colour scheme in six months. each time, the lady kept the flowers in the office and never brought it home, for obvious reasons.

It struck me that while she was definitely enjoying the flattery and attention, she was indulging in a form of escapism that probably provided her the excitement and thrills as she temporarily escapes to from her family and work life that might have gotten mundane. This got me thinking how each of us has own ways and means to shelf the problems on hand and get transported to an illusive world for some euphoric moments, which might somewhat help energise and preserve our sanity as we return to reality.

The other question is how many of such so-called harmless escapisms stayed the way they are and not take a different turn? Does the act of accepting and indulging in flattery and attention of another man constitute infidelity? Some say infidelity starts with a thought but how do you define it? Where is the line and when to draw it before one overstep and risks everything precious? It's almost like tempting fate.

On the other hand, some had tempted fate and succumbed to it. Three months ago, a girlfriend of mine told me that she suspected her husband cheating on her. She was at the brink of devastation and she had no one to talk to and she was afraid that she would succumb to mental breakdown if she continued to keep it to herself. There were sessions of shouting back and forth including a few with him slapping and pushing her around. She even confessed that her husband, who was earning at least 1/3 more than her, had never paid for the house mortgage or forked out money for the household expenses. He had never paid a single sen for their son's expenses (babysitter, diapers, milk, etc). Instead he indulged in expensive hobbies; first was exotic shrimp rearing, then it was photography with almost full set of equipment and lenses. All these of course were paid using plastics and you can imagine the shock my friend had when she saw all the statements. The year before her husband had gotten RM30K loan from his mum to pay off the debts. Instead of learing from such expensive lesson, he went on to incur additional debts. Of the five cards that he had, the debt for one of the plastics was already over RM8K. Despite all these, she decided to stay in her marriage because she could not bear the thought of what others would think of her if she had divorced.

Another girlfriend who was married for over 10 years had recently filed for divorce. Her husband had an affair when she was pregnant with their first child. She found out and confronted him, he admitted and she forgave him. Six years later when she was pregnant with their second child, history repeated itself. This time he denied and they went for marriage counselling. The counselling did not work. He told her that he no longer loved her. That was the last straw as my girlfriend thought there was no point in staying on the marriage anymore. She is now fighting for sole custody of her two children, age 9 and 3.

While one decided to put up with the man that belittled and trampled upon her, the other decided to pack her bag and leave. Both had to go through the painful journey. While the latter took the bold step forward in an effort to be emancipated, the former chose to remain in the shackles of emotional and psychological bondage. As I watched from the outer circle, my heart goes out for them; the latter for her courage and strength to find happiness for herself, the latter the same in hope that she would find her own selfworth and if her marriage could not be saved, the courage to fight for her own happiness and sanity.

Comeback

July 11

The last ten months had been an emotional journey, having to cope with the loss of my grandma, my brother's court case and job uncertainty and unhappiness. The last six months have been a tremendously busy time as I took on a new job, a new role that demanded more multi-tasking ability and gives me more work and people-related challenges.

Throughout this period, I would not deny the many bouts of frustrations and depression that took me on every other day, having to deal with staff of various personalities, work flow and procedures that are cannot be considered as best practices. My consolation came from knowing how much I could learn in my area of work that could broaden my experience under the communications spectrum. Everyday, I drew strength from my faith that God would certainly provide His grace and guidance in every way, having opened the door to this new chapter.


Someone once told me that as one climbs the corporate ladder, there would come a time that the only person that could pull me out of every low is myself. "You'd have to pull youself out of the dark pit hole that you have fallen into". Those words now ring true as I find that I am unable to share my frustrations with my teammates (as they are my source of frustrations most times) and I cannot be expecting my superior to have motivating session with me each time I fall into a well or hit a wall. Wallowing in self-pity and misery is certainly not fruitful and drains away whatever good energy that I am left with.

These are the times I realised that spending time with optimistic and positive people helps. Recently, I had the privilege to be friends with a pair of young chaps - twins, whom I find are exuding with very positive energy and somewhat carefree. It is probably also due to them being in mid twenties, at the prime of their youth and enjoying all that life brings. One of them has this among his favourite quotes, 'Nothing is Impossible if you put your heart, soul and love, as well as time and effort to it'.

Perhaps with time, effort and perseverence, things at work and with the new team would take a new turn for the better. For now, I shall press on...

Still in Our Midst?

September 11

I called Tai Yee up to ask if Grandma's spirit is lingering around. I was curious as I could still feel so.

"Yes, she is as the 100 days mourning is not over yet," Tai Yee said.

I then related to her the two dreams I had of Grandma for two consecutive nights. She appeared asking where all her supplements had gone and I non-chalantly answered her they were taken by my aunts. Shaking her head, she said "Must leave some for others, cannot take all".

The second night I saw her sitting on her favourite rest chair. She turned and asked me to give her shoulders a massage, which of course I was more than happy to oblige.

Relating these to my aunt and uncle, I mentioned that perhaps they should burn another paper doll. She was probably indicating that she wanted more pampering. Man, she did know how to ask :) without asking.

Dewey

July 11

The first thought I had when I saw the name Dewey was the three nephews of Donald Duck's, Huey, Louie and Dewey. On the cover of the book that I was holding in my hand was not a picture of a duckling, it was of a cute and smart looking cat that went by the name Dewey Readmore Books.

He was named after Melvil Dewey, the inventor of the Dewey Decimal Classification, a proprietary system of library classification that organises subject categories corresponding to three-digit numerals, with further specification expressed by numerals following a decimal point.

The book was authored by Vicki Myron, the former director of the Spencer Library, Iowa USA. One cold January morning, Vicki found the then eigth-weeks' old Dewey in the library drop box just after she checked in for work.

It was to be the beginning of a intimate and endearing relationship that lasted 19 years, which ended with Vicki having made the hardest and most heartwrenching decision of putting Dewey to sleep as he was suffering from a stomach tumour that gave him nothing but pain.

For someone who is really not too fond of cats, i actually bought the book, and finished it within day. It wasn't a thick book. "Wow, it must be really captivating," Adrian remarked. He knew that when I read, I actually read. I do not browse or scan through, and for me to finish within a day, it had to be quite good given the fact that I attended to house chores in between. It normally takes me two days to a week plus to finish one, depending on the books and the contents.

One of the parts that I liked most in Dewey was when he discovered there was more on the world outside the library where he grew up in. When library patrons left the building, he was tempted to follow them out. One day, he attempted that three times and Vicki, being the protective mother, came out from her office and walked right up to the front door and reprimanded him in the sternest mother voice that I could imagine.

"You get back in here young man," and as soon as the words left her mouth, she saw a young man who had just left the building turned back and hurried into the library, took one of the magazines on the rack and buried his head into it. Dewey strolled in, and Vicki saw a smile on his face. I think it would have been more of a schmuck. I could imagine what an embarassing yet hilarious scene that was :) hehe.

My cousin, Calvin would love this book. He is a cat lover, much to my surprise when I first discovered it in the course of one of our catching up sessions. Hey Calvin, you want to borrow Dewey?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8nSg8oxrfA&NR=1

Visitors from Heaven

July 5

It is almost a month since Grandma's passing. Gone were the days that I would call home and speak to her and she would tell me about her health and updates from other family members. I get emotional whenever I think or speak of her and I can hear her voice in my head, especially the last conversation I had with her the night before she breathed her last.

Last night i dreamt of her, lying still before me. She moved when I held her hand in mine. "She's still alive, quick, get a doctor," I said. I woke up and the dream was interrupted. I felt the tears in my eyes. As I returned to sleep, I carried thoughts of her with me.

A week ago, I had a dream of my Grandpa who passed on almost 13 years ago. It was of him falling and I caught him in my arms. I felt my Grandma standing behind me as I held him but I could not see her face.

This year, I had several dreams of my grandparents and they were present in each of the dreams. Recalling them, I could not help wonder if it was a sign to me that the time had come for them to be reunited in the other world. I know they are now and I hope they are watching over me, like they had done.

Beloved Po Po

June 9

You cradled your first grandchild when she was brought home after spending 40 days in a glass. Lovingly and patiently you fed her, bathed her, changed her diapers, kept her safe and warm in your embrace every night; nurtured, taught and disciplined her with love, as you did your own children;

She remembers your soft, gentle hands that prepared her favourites dishes, made her tasty kan shui chung (alkaline glutinous rice dumplings) and tong yuen (glutinous rice balls); that rubbed ointment on her upset tummy, braided her hair, and threaded her eyebrows. The same hands that spanked her when she misbehaved as a kid and that gave her blessings at the tea ceremony of her wedding;

Her fondest memories are the times she laid on your lap for comfort, and nestled in your bosoms for reassurance; your voice both her source of strength and guide;

You were the revered matriach who held the family together and were always larger than life, setting examples for your children and their children. You fulfilled your role as woman, wife, mother and grandmother with dignity, and took on life's challenges with great resilience, tenacity, perseverance and determination even in your last day;

You imparted in us great values and principles that you firmly upheld and virtues that each of us (most of the time) fall short of but strive to emulate; your bigheartedness and kindness through your words, deeds and thoughts touched many lives, and your quick-mindedness, tact and wisdom never failed to astound those that crossed path with you;

In your remaining years, you put up with a failing heart and a bad knee. You endured great discomforts and pains with grace and head held high. Steely was your will until you breathed your last in the arms of your loving daughter, on a morning cruise amidst scenic greens and mountains.

Po Po dearest, the pain of losing you and the grief in my heart are beyond words. A loss so great and deep that transcends understanding; I never told you this - I dreamt of your death many times and each time, I woke up with tears streaming down my cheeks. I never failed to ask God not to take you home till I am ready but I guess I'd never be ready. I had to let Him do His will.

Po Po, I can never thank you enough for taking care of me and for your unconditional love. I was both your granddaughter and a late daughter. You are now at peace, reunited with Kung Kung. Till we meet again one day, you are forever cherished and treasured in the heart of your granddaughter.

Ah...Goodness Me

April 28

The last few days had not been doing justice to my eyes. They were overused for copy checking of the entire annual report - 3 full drafts. Minus the covers, they have gone through 86 pages of text and numbers. 37 pages of financial statements and notes to the statements. I know some others had gone through far more pages than I did.

My empathy (and sympathy) go to those at the design agencies. The account manager that was assigned to my company annual report told me she went through the financials for three companies in one day. I am sure her vision and mind went bonkers. A total of almost 200 pages of numbers and notes! Suddenly 37 pages did not sound so bad after all. For a 86-page single language copy, it is probably considered moderately thick. The challenging part I would say was to single-handedly liaised with the various teams - outsourced company secretary, outsourced internal auditors, external auditors, directors, business units, outsourced share registrar, outsourced design agency and finance division to have all the inputs for the sections compiled and put together.

Thankfully I did not have to write the statements under the Corporate Governance section myself (and I don't know how either). And I had signed off the copy for print late evening at the design agency. Another 50% to go before the important day for a PLC - the AGM. Let's see, the venue has been booked and menu confirmed. The artwork for the Notice had been done and ready to be published on the scheduled date. Then there is the delivery of the printed books and circular to the bulk mailer (to shareholders), share registrar, company secretary and Bursa Malaysia, the AGM script for the Chairman, the AGM Q&A, and presentation slides. And after the AGM, printed books to the media and financial analysts and investment houses. Sigh, another month plus before my schedule is back to normal.