Sense & Scent

July 30

Late evening, over yahoo messenger, my hubby wrote and asked if I would be okay if he was to be put in Bangladesh for a project and he'd be away for three to four months. My instant reply to him was I needed to call Connie and Fai to tell them that we would not be able to make the trip to Bangkok. Connie had earlier buzzed me to ask if early November was a good time for us.

This was our second attempt to spend a eating-and-shopping holiday in the capital of Thailand. Our first was last September, which was forfeited because Adrian was on project deployment in Jakarta, that lasted almost five months. It would seemed that the densely populated city, best known for shopping and food, was determined not to have us treading on its ground.

Breaking the news to the couple was easy since booking had not been made. But, I felt lousy. Fai and Connie, who knew how much I would love to see the place, were there last May. They were thoughtful and generous to want to make my maiden trip worthwhile. It would have been a swell time as we enjoy each other's company, and we love Thai cuisine.

Fai and I met when I was under employment with The Star back in 2003. He was my colleague in the same department, on different teams. I was introduced to my new colleagues on my first day of work. "Hi, I am Cheryl". "I am Leong (Kong Fai)," he replied and we shook hands. "Is that Bulgari Pour Homme Extreme that you are using?" I heard myself asking. He smiled and nodded. Despite six years difference in age, we became fast friends. Fai and I are great fans of Bulgari fragrances, and we could have lengthy exchanges on our love affairs with them. Pour Homme Extreme and Aqua Pour Homme are our favourites; and Pour Homme Soir had been added to my list.

Aqua Pour Homme

His wife, Connie is a lady with a big warm heart. Friendly, charming and wears a constant smile, she and Fai make a lovely couple. While he is a graphic visualiser and designer, she is an interior furnishing freelancer, catering to the well-to-do and elite society. Four of us, each from different background, of different upbringing, and with different work interests, bonded together by our unconditional acceptance of and love for one another. Like fragrance that stood the test of time, ours a friendship that surpasses time infinite.Pour Homme Extreme

Cake in The Oven

July 29

"Cheryl and I are well," Adrian said over the phone to his good friend, Shoba earlier tonight when they spoke. "Lifestyle has not changed yet. There is no cake baking in the oven". He was referring to me not being in the way of the family, yet.

My better half had been sharing with me his desire to start a family, but would not dwell into it until I, The Oven, am ready. The thought of conceiving and raising a kid has been running through my mind, on and off. My friend, Karen asked me earlier in the afternoon if my maternal instinct had kicked in. No, it has not.

Brought up in very humble manner, and grew up with nothing close to extravagance, I told myself that I would not want my kids (if i ever had) to go through the same i did. Watching my friends having nice school bags and shoes. Uniforms tailor-made or bought off the shelf. I was fortunate to have hand-me-downs from my neighbour's daughters who were a lot older than me. Some friends had the luxury of piano lessons, tennis lessons, and the extra pocket money for Galaxie magazines, movies and music tapes. I had none of those. Even my revision books were hand-me-downs. Nothing wrong in using hand-me-downs, or not had all those lessons. It was a circumstance brought about by the lack of money, which made me appreciated little things i had, like my first fountain pen (which I still have in my possession). It is the psychological effect that I do not wish for my kids to grow up with - the inferiority complex that i had throughout my entire schooling years.

I love kids, yet deep within I have qualms that I am a mommy-material. I fear that I might not bring them up well, or fail in any way. Possessing some form of eccentricity of keeping things tidy, in place, and obsessed with maintaining a clean home, I doubt that I would be able to keep my cool(not that i have much) if my walls were decorated with tiny hand prints, crayon scribbles and creative drawings, or little filthy footprints on my floor. I know what Adrian would suggest for hired domestic help in the house to keep the place clean, when the time comes. Well, that is another arrangement that I have yet to be receptive to. Topping that, no junk food, no candies, no fizzy drinks, no fast food. I somewhat don't condone feeding on such for myself, an adult, let alone children. Even Adrian sometimes had to consume these behind my back, though he'd own up eventually. Then again, these might change when i actually have kids.

Two weeks ago, my uni friends and i met up for lunch, with our spouses and partners. There were five couples, and one highly available, pretty, talented content developer, Su-Lyn. Our friend, Mabel and hubby, Daniel has a year-old boy. Little Lucas was the star with lots of pictures taken by my photographer friend, Sharon. Like in a game of musical chairs, he was passed from one to another and was showered with attention (and kisses). I then wondered if I should start planning for one of my own. Am I ready then, to receive such beautiful gift from The Creator?

Cyber Love

July 28

I got myself onto Facebook about two months back when my sister Wendee wanted to show me some of the studio shots taken for her wedding album. Earlier i did not pay much attention to the invites from friends. Now in the IT age, almost everything could be done online, from internet banking to internet shopping, and even staying in touch with friends and family. My cousins are mostly on FB, so are my friends. To my surprise, I got in touch with many former classmates and school friends on FB. That's the beauty of online social networks.

I found the love of my life through an online social network too :), to be exact, a matching making website, match.com back in 2003. I was single again after the end of an eight-year old relationship. Adrian was single after things did not work out for him and former partner, and was busy travelling for various projects that his company had engaged. Whilst i sought new friendships and social networks, he sought potential life partners.

Email exchanges started in April 2003 and we met up in August in Coffeebean in SS2, PJ. Our first date was a day after he returned from Pakistan. My long curls were damp from shower in the gym, which i then frequented daily after work and in the weekends. He was dressed all in black - black sweat shirt, black linen-cotton pants, black moccassins, and black-rimmed glasses. Quite an impression he left me. Contrary to his version (ask him now and he'd say otherwise), i did most of the talking, and how i struggled to keep the conversations going. We finished our coffee, and took a walk across the street where he returned some books to the rent-a-book shop. Our date ended with us browsing through a pet shop nearby.

Soon after, we met whenever he was back in KL and had more time for the dating game. We did what most young and working Malaysians did, we had teh tarik at the mamak. So much for romantic dates :P. On one of the few dates we had, I brought along another guy friend, Gerard whom i knew when i was in high school. I thought it was no big deal since we weren't officially dating, and this good old friend of mine was just looking for a friend to have dinner with. Little did i realised that Adrian thought it was an attempt on my end to say I was not interested in dating him.Later that night, his curiosity got the better of him and he asked why Gerard and i never hit off. I bursted out laughing. We had known each other for 16 years, and if there was something, i would not have had the earlier relationship, let alone dated my adorable suitor, who of course was relieved and (I suspected) had a gleeful smile on the other end of the phone.

I was on leave from work one afternoon when Adrian texted me asking for a dinner date. I said yes. He told me not to wear shorts because it'd not be at the usual mamak. It was to be at a restaurant, and he had something to ask me. That dinner took place in TGIF Section 14, PJ. The waiter took our orders, and promptly went off. Before Adrian could say a word, I asked " What is it that you want to ask me?". Taken aback by my directness, he had no opportunity to rehearse the question, though i was sure it ran through his mind umpteen times prior to picking me up. "I like you and enjoy being with you very much. I wonder if you feel the same. I don't intend to see anyone else. I want to see you exclusively. Will you be my girlfriend?". Yes indeed his feelings were reciprocated, and being someone who had always (still do) believe in yes being yes, and no being no, my answer to him was a simple yes. At the end of the dinner, we walked out hand in hand. I was on cloud nine and so was he. A simple one-and-a-half-year courtship was followed by wedding bells.

Making My Stand

July 27

Born in the Land of Peace, known to many as Taiping, to a father who was into contruction and a mum who was then a factory worker, I was taken care full time by my grandparents and aunts who were then not married. Three years down the road, my sister Wendee came along, and my mum quit her job, with the very intention to fulfill her role as a full time homemaker. At the tender age of three, I already had a mind of my own. I refused to leave my beloved grandparents. I remember the first my parents took me home, hoping (and probably attempting to cut the attachment) that I'll forget the older couple. When night came and realising that they would not take me home to my grandparents', I started crying. Children, after a while would have probably given in to exhaustion but not me. I sat by the bed whole night through, wide awake and cheeks stained with dried tears. I was adamant to state my stand. So yes, I outdid my parents'so-called persistence and back i went to my grandparents' the next morning.

Being the only grandchild living with the elderly couple, I grew up pretty much alone, with neighbours' kids as playmates. We did all sorts of activities that 'kampung' kids would have done - running all over bare-footed, played hide-and-seek, climbed rambutan trees, mango trees, even coconut trees, and bicycled around. We raced each other barefooted, caught spiders, which we kept in match boxes, and grasshoppers too. We played with 'longkang' fish and caught tadpoles, getting ourselves filthy, smelly and sweaty. You can imagine my grandma screaming her head off each time she saw the filthy me. Once I had gotten a neighbour's flower pot partially broken whilst I tried to ride on her son, my fellow playmate's bicyle at the age of five. We hid the broken pieces, hoping that she'd never noticed. Yes, she did, and we got quite an earful.

I attended a co-ed school in my primary years. Growing up with boys (and girls), I learned to play as hard as they did. There were the girl games - batu seremban, the dance on the skipping rope made of rubber bands tied together. With the boys, there were chopper, a game which we threw tennis ball at the members of the opposing team, fighter jets play cards, and marbles. There were two incidents that saw me whacked two boy classmates of mine. One was me landing a big slap across his face and the other got a thump on his head. The one who got the thump was seated next to me in class and he was loud and a real chatterbox. The other got fingerprints on his right cheek because he was verbally bullying one of my girlfriends for being on the heavier side. Guess i was making a stand - respect your (girl) friends.

The Alternative Cure

July 26

Having suffered migraines and neck aches for many years, i finally saw a chiropractor (http://www.familychiro.com.my/). Seeking the alternative treatment in earlier years was not possible as i didn't earn much and chiropractic care was relatively expensive, and not as well available as now. After an examination by Dr Choo, I had x-ray images done for four sections of my spine. Upon reviewing the images, i was told i have hope for permanent recovery as my spine was not badly misaligned, and the most important area to begin theraphy on was my neck as the misalignment in that area was the cause of my migraine and stiff neck. I was to undergo a customised theraphy for the next three to four months, including home theraphy. This means I potentially would be cured of my migraine that I had been suffering for the last 12 years and I can't wait to resume a migraine-free life. The problem has caused me much pain, discomforts, interrupted sleep, and inability to do the things that I enjoy doing, and in a way affecting my work, and productivity. And I am hopeful for this to work.

The Opposite of Fate

July 24

This blogsite was created when my friend, Nicholas encouraged me to start my own blog, so here I am trying to get something up. (Thanks Nick, for such faith in me :P)

Sitting in front of my laptop, I am trying to think / recall what I had been up to, to get things going. The Opposite of Fate ( http://contemporarylit.about.com/od/essay/fr/oppositeFate.htm) is the title of the book I am currently reading. Bought from the bookstore over a year ago whilst I was waiting for my flight to Jakarta, I left it on the shelf, and had not done justice to it. Over a week ago, I picked it up and started reading. The Opposite of Fate saw the author examining her relationship with her mum, and as I was reading, I started examining my own dysfunctional family.

My relationship with my parents was in a way exasperating, hollow and bland. When my dad passed away in 1991,not a single tear was shed although I wished I had. It would have been easier for me and my siblings, relatives and cousins at the funeral. I just didn't . Simple truth - i was not touched to the core with grief; and that was because I was never raised by my parents. I had never lived with them. My maternal grandparents and aunts took on the task of raising me. I never got the toys and luxuries a child should have had because my parents never bought me any. I never discovered what birthday celebrations were like until i was 21 because I never got any cakes or gifts from them. I was out of their mind most of the time.

After more than 30 years of physical and emotional detachment, I would think I have forgiven my parents for what i deemed as failure to carry out their responsibilities as parents. Without doubt, my maternal grandparents and aunt did a great job, and provided me the necessities, including pocket money for school, and later university. My dad had long passed on, and my mum approaching age 60 soon. Looking back now, perhaps they'd have done better had things been different, and earning was not as difficult as it was. Is this then the opposite of fate for me? I wonder....