Still in Our Midst?

September 11

I called Tai Yee up to ask if Grandma's spirit is lingering around. I was curious as I could still feel so.

"Yes, she is as the 100 days mourning is not over yet," Tai Yee said.

I then related to her the two dreams I had of Grandma for two consecutive nights. She appeared asking where all her supplements had gone and I non-chalantly answered her they were taken by my aunts. Shaking her head, she said "Must leave some for others, cannot take all".

The second night I saw her sitting on her favourite rest chair. She turned and asked me to give her shoulders a massage, which of course I was more than happy to oblige.

Relating these to my aunt and uncle, I mentioned that perhaps they should burn another paper doll. She was probably indicating that she wanted more pampering. Man, she did know how to ask :) without asking.

Dewey

July 11

The first thought I had when I saw the name Dewey was the three nephews of Donald Duck's, Huey, Louie and Dewey. On the cover of the book that I was holding in my hand was not a picture of a duckling, it was of a cute and smart looking cat that went by the name Dewey Readmore Books.

He was named after Melvil Dewey, the inventor of the Dewey Decimal Classification, a proprietary system of library classification that organises subject categories corresponding to three-digit numerals, with further specification expressed by numerals following a decimal point.

The book was authored by Vicki Myron, the former director of the Spencer Library, Iowa USA. One cold January morning, Vicki found the then eigth-weeks' old Dewey in the library drop box just after she checked in for work.

It was to be the beginning of a intimate and endearing relationship that lasted 19 years, which ended with Vicki having made the hardest and most heartwrenching decision of putting Dewey to sleep as he was suffering from a stomach tumour that gave him nothing but pain.

For someone who is really not too fond of cats, i actually bought the book, and finished it within day. It wasn't a thick book. "Wow, it must be really captivating," Adrian remarked. He knew that when I read, I actually read. I do not browse or scan through, and for me to finish within a day, it had to be quite good given the fact that I attended to house chores in between. It normally takes me two days to a week plus to finish one, depending on the books and the contents.

One of the parts that I liked most in Dewey was when he discovered there was more on the world outside the library where he grew up in. When library patrons left the building, he was tempted to follow them out. One day, he attempted that three times and Vicki, being the protective mother, came out from her office and walked right up to the front door and reprimanded him in the sternest mother voice that I could imagine.

"You get back in here young man," and as soon as the words left her mouth, she saw a young man who had just left the building turned back and hurried into the library, took one of the magazines on the rack and buried his head into it. Dewey strolled in, and Vicki saw a smile on his face. I think it would have been more of a schmuck. I could imagine what an embarassing yet hilarious scene that was :) hehe.

My cousin, Calvin would love this book. He is a cat lover, much to my surprise when I first discovered it in the course of one of our catching up sessions. Hey Calvin, you want to borrow Dewey?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8nSg8oxrfA&NR=1

Visitors from Heaven

July 5

It is almost a month since Grandma's passing. Gone were the days that I would call home and speak to her and she would tell me about her health and updates from other family members. I get emotional whenever I think or speak of her and I can hear her voice in my head, especially the last conversation I had with her the night before she breathed her last.

Last night i dreamt of her, lying still before me. She moved when I held her hand in mine. "She's still alive, quick, get a doctor," I said. I woke up and the dream was interrupted. I felt the tears in my eyes. As I returned to sleep, I carried thoughts of her with me.

A week ago, I had a dream of my Grandpa who passed on almost 13 years ago. It was of him falling and I caught him in my arms. I felt my Grandma standing behind me as I held him but I could not see her face.

This year, I had several dreams of my grandparents and they were present in each of the dreams. Recalling them, I could not help wonder if it was a sign to me that the time had come for them to be reunited in the other world. I know they are now and I hope they are watching over me, like they had done.

Beloved Po Po

June 9

You cradled your first grandchild when she was brought home after spending 40 days in a glass. Lovingly and patiently you fed her, bathed her, changed her diapers, kept her safe and warm in your embrace every night; nurtured, taught and disciplined her with love, as you did your own children;

She remembers your soft, gentle hands that prepared her favourites dishes, made her tasty kan shui chung (alkaline glutinous rice dumplings) and tong yuen (glutinous rice balls); that rubbed ointment on her upset tummy, braided her hair, and threaded her eyebrows. The same hands that spanked her when she misbehaved as a kid and that gave her blessings at the tea ceremony of her wedding;

Her fondest memories are the times she laid on your lap for comfort, and nestled in your bosoms for reassurance; your voice both her source of strength and guide;

You were the revered matriach who held the family together and were always larger than life, setting examples for your children and their children. You fulfilled your role as woman, wife, mother and grandmother with dignity, and took on life's challenges with great resilience, tenacity, perseverance and determination even in your last day;

You imparted in us great values and principles that you firmly upheld and virtues that each of us (most of the time) fall short of but strive to emulate; your bigheartedness and kindness through your words, deeds and thoughts touched many lives, and your quick-mindedness, tact and wisdom never failed to astound those that crossed path with you;

In your remaining years, you put up with a failing heart and a bad knee. You endured great discomforts and pains with grace and head held high. Steely was your will until you breathed your last in the arms of your loving daughter, on a morning cruise amidst scenic greens and mountains.

Po Po dearest, the pain of losing you and the grief in my heart are beyond words. A loss so great and deep that transcends understanding; I never told you this - I dreamt of your death many times and each time, I woke up with tears streaming down my cheeks. I never failed to ask God not to take you home till I am ready but I guess I'd never be ready. I had to let Him do His will.

Po Po, I can never thank you enough for taking care of me and for your unconditional love. I was both your granddaughter and a late daughter. You are now at peace, reunited with Kung Kung. Till we meet again one day, you are forever cherished and treasured in the heart of your granddaughter.

Ah...Goodness Me

April 28

The last few days had not been doing justice to my eyes. They were overused for copy checking of the entire annual report - 3 full drafts. Minus the covers, they have gone through 86 pages of text and numbers. 37 pages of financial statements and notes to the statements. I know some others had gone through far more pages than I did.

My empathy (and sympathy) go to those at the design agencies. The account manager that was assigned to my company annual report told me she went through the financials for three companies in one day. I am sure her vision and mind went bonkers. A total of almost 200 pages of numbers and notes! Suddenly 37 pages did not sound so bad after all. For a 86-page single language copy, it is probably considered moderately thick. The challenging part I would say was to single-handedly liaised with the various teams - outsourced company secretary, outsourced internal auditors, external auditors, directors, business units, outsourced share registrar, outsourced design agency and finance division to have all the inputs for the sections compiled and put together.

Thankfully I did not have to write the statements under the Corporate Governance section myself (and I don't know how either). And I had signed off the copy for print late evening at the design agency. Another 50% to go before the important day for a PLC - the AGM. Let's see, the venue has been booked and menu confirmed. The artwork for the Notice had been done and ready to be published on the scheduled date. Then there is the delivery of the printed books and circular to the bulk mailer (to shareholders), share registrar, company secretary and Bursa Malaysia, the AGM script for the Chairman, the AGM Q&A, and presentation slides. And after the AGM, printed books to the media and financial analysts and investment houses. Sigh, another month plus before my schedule is back to normal.

To Live or Not To Live

March 18

I texted my cousin Maggie, asking her for the date of the fifth session of chemotheraphy that my tai yee was to go for. Her replied came that it was scheduled for 23 March, and my tai yee was adamant not to go as she feared the nausea, vomitting, and fatigue that she'd have to endure thereafter.

With a heavy sigh, I told my hubby. A short moment of silence and he asked if it was true that when one is fighting for life, one choose to die, and when death knocks on the door, one chooses to live. What about those who made the decisions to take their own lives, and half way through the act, they decide to live?

I had my bouts of suicidal thoughts when I was a teenager, back in high school. Death seemed the easy way out from the so-called bigger than life problems for an adolescent, yet I lacked the courage see it through.

Over the years I realised that my faith was my saving grace. God gave each of us life, and life being a precious gift, should not be taken lightly, or for granted. While I might have thought that I did not have to face and deal with problems after dying, I forgot that the ones that live would have to bear the heartache and grief. It was a selfish act had I had taken my own life.

Life is never without problems and challenges, all sorts, all ways and almost every other day. But God is good, and if He allows these challenges in our lives, He would carry us through. He did not promise a rosy life, but giving us strength, grace and mercy when we seek Him. The will of God will never take us where the Grace of God will not protect us.

As much as we wished we could, we could never fully understand and feel the suffering and terrible discomforts that my aunt is going through during this trying period. No one can except those who have survived the treatment and disease. We help in whatever ways that we can; encourage her with words, giving physical support and help but only God can minister to her heart, give strength and courage to her mind and take her fears and restlessness away.

We pray for God's strength and courage for my aunt as she fights this challenge. God hears our prayers and understands her struggles and fears. He is a God that heals and we ask for His healing to begin in her and make her whole again.

If you are reading this, and you are one that believes in God and the power of miracle, please pray with us, for her.

Thank you and may the good Lord bless and keep you and family.

To be or Not to be

February 27-28

Adrian's office had moved to KL Sentral from Menara Keck Seng on Jalan Bukit Bintang as the space rental had shot up way too high since Pavillion KL came about across the busy road. He had to return to the new office to move boxes and unpack. Yes, he became coolie for the last two days together with some others. The whole exercise, in my humble opinion after hearing all the problems they had and came across in the new office, was extremely badly coordinated by the Admin & HR department.

While he was busy in office from morning 10am to night 8pm, I was busy with laundry, cleaning the house and mopping the floor, ironing, did gardening and prepare my own meals. The day before, we had a chat upon his return, and I asked how the all moving went. The movers had moved all the boxes from the old office to the new, but could not move them to the various departments and workstations respectively because the workstations were not fully set up. They had to move them to another area in the new office. Since the set up was only completed few hours later, the staffs had to move the boxes themselves to where the files and documents had to be kept, and since they did not complete the exercise that night, they had to return to office today to move the rest of the boxes and items.

My first thought was that someone should have gone to the new office to check on the progress of the workstation setup, and ensure that the place is ready for the movers and items, with designated areas labelled for ease and convenience.

He grabbed a few large black garbage bags from the storage cabinet, and I asked he had to bring garbage bags to office. The reply was that the item was missed out from the exercise checklist. Duh! of course they have to be made available. Anyone would have anticipated that there would be items to discard, even if they were just papers.

Perhaps it would have been a relatively easier task for one who has done such massive exercise and coordination. Perhaps the person-in-charge had not had the experience, hence overlooked all these smaller details. I guess this is what many mean by being having the actual experience and theoretical knowledge. In theory, the rest of items or factors are status quo while in real situation, there are many variables, and many contributing elements that could affect the plan and flow. Assumptions do not work. One cannot assume that the contractors would finsih the setup by the deadline set. One also cannot assume that everything would be packed into the boxes and be moved to the new place.

What's amazing of all was that only 20 percent of the entire workforce came in on Saturday to help and ensure the exercise was completed. So where is the team spirit? Where has the sense of resposnbility and ownership gone to? I didn't realise that the company belongs only to 20 percent of staffs.