Hold On Not....

February 22

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five.Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them?

Mommy,looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them,I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbour and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.

On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace. Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up.She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed.The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, Do you love me? "Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you." Then give me your pearls. "Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite."That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her, Jenny's daddy asked again, Do you love me?" Daddy, you know I love you."Then give me your pearls." Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace.With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, daddy, this is for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.

So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures. Isn't God good? Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of? Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

That's what we do sometimes, holding on to things that we deem precious. What are these compared to the treasures God has in stored for us in heaven?

Handbook?

February 20

A friend forwarded me a mail, which read life handbook 2009. I read, and have decided to have it placed as an entry because there ware so much truth in every line, every tip. Why then practise just in 2009? If the tips are beneficial and good, then they should be adopted every year, for many more great ones to come.

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time for prayer.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did the year before.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.


Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realise that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!
33. Always speak the truth even if it leads to your death.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

May you find these as great reminders as I did.

St Valentine's Day

February 14

They called it a day of love :) a day of celebration in rememberance of martyred saints in ancient Rome. It is known as Feast of St Valentine, to remember the noble men revered by men, and whose acts known only to God. Along the way, it also became a day for lovers to express their adoration and love for one another, and in modern days has been overrated and commercialised.

Adrian was to return from his overseas project the same night, with his flight to touch down approximately 10.30pm. I wanted to surprise him with something he would need - a mobile phone - since his unit konked out and he was using my old Nokia.

I was in One Utama close to lunch time, and to my surprise, there were plenty of parking. After I got the SE phone, I was strolling around. Not many people but there were couples. Most of the ladies had a stalk of rose in their hands, with the other in the clutch of their other halves. As I was watching each couple, I felt a strange flow of sadness for them. I certainly hold no grudge against any couple or the day being a lovers' day. But is this day the only day to express one's love for another? If it is, then it is sad that expressing love and cherish has become an annual act. I guess in a way in making the purchase of the mobile phone, I too was no different from these couples caught up with the overrated celebration. I don't know about others. Adrian and I have the common understanding that we do not waste our money pampering each other just because it was Valentine's Day. Instead we agreed that we only buy a big gift once a year. You see, Valentine's Day, our birthdays and wedding anniversary are very close to each other. So instead of getting three different things, we each get the other one decent, useful and practical item. I guess we feel that the money spent would be a little more justifiable. Three occassion are probably good reasons to get something good and nice.

Topping that is probably our agreement that we don't do extravagent dinners that cost like RM200 / person on any of these days, especially Valentine's Day. Strictly no fresh bouquets, or teddy bears. We would just go to our favourite restaurants and have our favourite dishes on each other's birthdays. The bills, if possible, are to be less than RM100 for two. To us, we just want to have a good time, with good food in the company of each other. Perhaps some may say that we are overpractical, and least romantic and seem to have lost some excitement and surprise. Contrary to that, we actually have not :). To us, romance is just not about how much we spend, or how romantic dinners have been. It is how much sensitivity and attention given to the other in small ways, in the little things that we say and do daily.

I don't know about other ladies but I would rather have Adrian thinking of me when he passes a pastry stall, and buys me a nice piece of pastry that I'd like, or buys me a bottle of imported beer that I have not tried, or replenishes the supply of cammomile tea that I enjoy, or gets me a copy of my favourite comic, Baby Blues. Now that's Valentine's Day for me, every other day!

Quiet Start

January 29

I began work in office whilst Adrian was still on leave to finish up the painting job. The wet afternoons do not make it easy for the paint to dry.

Traffic in the morning whilst I was travelling to work was,needless to say, real smooth. If only it was so everyday. It was real bliss in office as it was less than 20% of the total workforce were present and I enjoyed the quiet and peace.

As years passed, I enjoy peace and quiet more and this is no exception for the environment at work. In reality, there's hardly any peace and quiet in office, especially in one that adopts the open concept. This is extremely challenging for a melancholic person as me. Since I am not at the level that I am entitled to have my own room in office, I usually stuff my ears with the earphones, even though I have no songs / music playing on my WMP. If I did, it'd be the six balinese tracks from album Bali Midori that I find soothing to my ears and mind. Sound of birds chirping, water running, and the alluring, celestial soothing scores of bamboo flute accompanied by soft rhythmic beats of the gong, and string instruments. These six tracks would be on repeat mode until I am done at work.

Dance and Crackers

January 27

Adrian continued with the rest of the walls and beams whilst I painted the other side of our gate and the grill of main entrance. After lunch when we resumed our task, we heard drumbeats and clanging cymbals. Lion dance performance at one of the houses further down the road. Needless to say, the performance would not be complete without the crackling of firecrackers. The dance ended as there was silence. Just as we thought we'd have some peace, the whole routine started again, and this time two houses away from the one earlier, and there was a third. It was more than 30 minutes when silence returned for good.

We stay in a quiet neighbourhood, and after a while, we (at least for me) grew to appreciate the peacefulness, and though sometimes could do with some liveliness, such loud chords could be, let's just say, a test to one's patience and tolerance. The again, it was CNY, and there were reasons for such boisterousness. What is CNY without lion dance and firecrackers?

Turning to Olive

January 26

I woke my hubby up for a quick breakfast. First day of CNY and we were to do what most (almost all actually) Chinese would think as taboo - painting! Out came the paint pan, brushes and rollers. We decided to go with olive green for outer walls of our house. Our rationale was simple, it'd help to camouflage the mildew that kept growing on them :)

We started work, and soon were getting the healthy morning sun in our face. The rays turned scorching hot when it was close to noon. Out came the straw hat and face towel. Whilst I was painting one side of the gate, an ice-cream seller came by and Adrian, being Adrian had to have ice cream. He hailed the ice-cream seller, and stood next to him like a school kid waiting for the two cones he ordered. "Tahun Baru you cat rumah ah?". Even the ice cream seller could not believe his eyes and just had to ask. "Kami tak pantang," was my reply.

By the time I finished one side of the gate, I got a wonderful tan :P and my husband had turned lobster red, so totally burnt. We moved to paint the parts of walls that were under shade. During the whole painting process, Adrian and I debated on the direction the rollers should go, and how the sides and corners should be done. Adrian being Adrian again just left the parts that needed more precise and careful strokes to his naggy wife. That was what he termed as preserving marital harmony :D and I agreed.

Familial Ties

January 25

This year we had a simple Chinese new Year reunion dinner with tai yee and family as she was not up to travelling back to Taiping to join the rest of family since she started on chemotherapy for breast cancer. Her next and third treatment was scheduled for the ninth day of Chinese New Year, and she would have another three more to go.

Adrian and I drove over with the three dishes I prepared. She insisted on preparing the soup and stewed mushrooms. We had a quiet dinner, during which she thanked us for spending the time with her and family, and for supporting her in various ways. We assured her that we would try out best to be as supportive as we could in any possible ways.

Privately as I ate my dinner, I replayed the words of my grandma who told me that my tai yee, when she was single and staying with my grandparents, had took care of me when I was a baby. Each morning she made sure diapers were laundered before she went to work. She helped to feed and care for me.

She took care of me when I first came to KL to work after my sixth form before I went on to pursue my tertiary studies. She took care of me when I was recuperating in her home from a surgery more than three years ago. She is more than an aunt. She is half mum to me. Her fight against breast cancer gave me heartache although I never expressed it much, well, perhaps my exasperation when she made excuses not to undergo the chemotherapy treatments.

But what made it worse is the fact that I am unable to prevent anxiety and depression spells that would ravage her mind, and the fear in her heart. I am unable to give her much in return for her generosity and kindness over the years except words, visits and buying her meal replacement supplies. Hard and mixed feelings that are difficult to be described; helplessness, exasperation, anger as to why she, with little education she received, having slogged her whole life for her family and children is inflicted with such dreaded disease. Yes, her golden years may have been prolonged thanks to early detection and treatments, but she should be enjoying herself, doing the things that she likes, spending time with her husband and friends.

Nowadays most of us are so caught up with our busy lifestyle and daily routines that most of us (or maybe it is just me) take family for granted. It only when we are about to loose them (or one of them) that we become more conscious how distance the relationships are, and we have taken for granted that they would always be with us.

Life is short, and everyday with family should be like the CNY reunion dinner, a time to come together for quality fellowship. It is heartwarming to see some families so closely knitted and spend every weekend together in some family activities. Some of us do not have the opportunity to have such closeness and warm relationships but that should not stop us from seeking and building one for ourselves, with future generations. It has to start somewhere.

Skin Off

January 24

We decided to give the exterior walls of our house a new coat of paint, and had decided to do the painting on the two days of CNY since we were hardly able to take long leave together to do something like that. We got the paints the weekend before, and decided to clean the mildew on the exterior walls, allowing time to dry before we paint them.

Adrian got himself up on the top of our house porch to clean off the mildew on the front outer upper walls of our two-storey house. After about an hour of cleaning, having moved in and out through our bedroom window few rounds, he was about done when the most unfortunate thing happened. The translucent PVC roofing sheet could hot hold the weight placed on the balancing foot and broke through. His right leg went down, up to his crotch.

I was in the kitchen preparing for our CNY dinner (we were having a reunion dinner with Dad a day earlier since we had planned to have a reunion dinner the next day with my tai yee and family at her place) when he came hobbling in. I thought he wanted to ask me something when he showed the bad scrap he got from his fall. Over four inches of skin on his shin was scrapped off, and there was a 's' shaped, couple of mm broad cut on his thigh.

My first reaction was to wash off the dirts on the raw wounds, and my poor hero grimaced in pain as the water ran down his leg. I felt my own face contorted as I felt a sharpness in my heart. I could not bear to see him in pain. Having seated him on the dining chair, I got our first aid kit. As I tore open a pack of alcohol swab, I told him it would hurt bad. I ran it gently over a smaller wound so that he was able to feel, and brace for the pain intensity. It ended up with him cleaning the wounds himself as it was easier for him to take his time to build his tolerance for pain. The next half hour was a session of flowery words as he cursed his pain away.

When his wounds were dressed, he continued with the cleaning downstairs with the electrical water jet. When I was done in the kitchen and had set the soup boiling on the stove, I joined him at the front of our house and took over the cleaning.

When we were done, I looked up the part of the PVC roofing sheet that Adrian broke through, and realised the cuts he got could have been far worse judging from the sharp edges of the hole. Indeed God is kind and we thank God that it was just skin that got scrapped off.