Which One Is You?

November 19

Jo said she sensed that the love of her life would be proposing to her soon. I teased her about the size of the shiny rock that would be worn on her beautiful long slender finger. My guess was one carat. Not too long ago, another friend shared that her beloved proposed and she had accepted, whilst another expressed his intention to ask his sweet girlfriend for her hand in marriage. Earlier today, I received a text message - an invitation to a wedding next month. My cousin, Anthony's wedding is scheduled for early December too.

Love is certainly in the air and that gives beautiful thoughts, and reminds me of my own share of matrimonial joy. Looking at these excited couples, it brings thoughts to how wonderfully God brings together two beautiful people in a special relationship, in which they discover lifetime love. Interestingly, one often falls in love with another of opposite personalities, subconsciously selecting someone whosed strengths make up for one's weaknesses.This natural process, intended since the time of Adam and Eve, fits two souls together to become one.

Extroverts are attracted to introverts, optimists pick pessimists, fun-loving outgoing souls go for the quiet deep-thinking ones. These patterned after models of human behaviours, giving birth to the concept of Four Basic Temperaments (with 16 variants) - Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic and Phlegmatic - which helps in examining one self, and accepting others. In Gary Smalley's version, these four Greek-termed personalities are represented by four animals - The Otter, The Lion, The Beaver and The Golden Retriever. Biblically, they are Peter, Paul, Moses and Abraham.

My first exposure to the four basic temperaments was from the book, Spirit-Controlled Temperaments by Tim LaHaye, and subsequently, The Act of Marriage by same author and his wife, Beverly LaHaye. That was over 10 years ago. The two were written in the Christian context. My other book, Personality Plus was by Florence and Marita Littauer, which a friend borrowed and was never returned. Perhaps she found it a good read, and tool.

Expressive, a Sanguine likes fun and people, loves to talk, needs attention, good at socialising and entertaining, easily excited, enthusiastic, charming yet unorganised, undisciplined, with little or no follow-through, fickle and forgetful, needs to be in the centre of attention, and never grow up.

A born leader, the Choleric is a dominant character, assertive, impulsive, loves to work, likes actions and progress, likes to motivate others but possesses minimal tolerance for incompetencies, dominates and manipulates people, hardly apologises even though is in the wrong, dislikes losing control and easily bored by trivia.

A Phlegmatic is solid but laid-back, loves peace and harmony, tries to please everyone and a born follower. This personality procrastinates and avoids responsibilities as a result of trying to please everyone, has little self-motivation, dislikes conflicts and is selfish.

Sensitive, quiet and analytical, a Melancholic likes solitude and silence, has high standards for everyone, analyses and plans thoroughly before executing any projects. This pessimistic and moody personality gets depressed over imperfection, introverted with little need for sociability, and holds back affection.

Discovering personality type can be an exciting and enlightening experience, and enables each person to develop a better understanding and acceptance of the different personalisties and characters. especially in the case of love relationships and marriage, making communication and relationships become more meaningful, fulfilling and complete. Two individuals indeed become one, as they understand and complement each other; filling each other's empty spaces. Enjoy discovering your own and of others! :)

God could have made us all Sanguines.

We could have lots of fun but accomplish little.

He could have made us all Melancholies.

We would have been organized and charted but not very cheerful.

He could have made us all Cholerics.

We would have been set to lead, but impatient that no one would follow!

He could have made us all Phlegmatics.

We would have had a peaceful world but not much enthusiasm for life.

We need each temperament for the total function of the body.

Each part should do its work to unify the action and produce harmonious
results.

-Florence Littauer in The Gift of Encouraging Words

http://www.personalitytype.com/

http://www.smalleyonline.com/

http://www.ylcf.org/you/personality.htm

https://timlahaye.com/shopdisplayproducts.asp?id=22&cat=TEMPERAMENT

Love is Blind

November 17

They say it is blind. Perhaps it is to some, and not to the rest. One Friday evening, somewhat mid last year, a close personal friend, Gabriel gave me a call. He popped over to the house and we had dinner. Way after dinner, he took out his mobile and turned it on. Puzzled, I asked him why his mobile was turned off. Since he was into personal financial services and real estate, it seemed queer as calls from clients or potential ones might come in. Battery was low and he did not have the charger with him. I did not pursue further.

A while later, his phone kept beeping. Incoming messages. Calls came but he refused to answer. With an inkling of what was going on, I asked if his girlfriend for a year-and-a-half, was the caller, and I hit it right home. Upon asking what was wrong, he shared his story. They have been in frequent arguments, on a weekly basis and things had gotten violent. At first, she threw things around. Then she began taking knives and blades slicing and cutting things that she could lay hands on, including personal computers, clothes and bed. He then showed me a picture taken on his mobile. A bad cut on his index finger with oozing blood, a result of him trying to grab the instrument from her. Earlier that evening, he was in an argument with her, and he needed to get away, so he spent a night over.

This year sometime in May, in one of her anger fits over some trivial matter, she threw his handheld on the floor, and the LCD screen cracked. The device kaputed. She started hitting him with a clothe hanger, and crumpled all his clean, well-ironed shirts, and wiped her tears and snots. Gabriel's siblings came to know, and like me, they advised him to walk out of the relationship, and make it clear with her and her family. Later, we discovered he did not, even though he had earlier agreed to do so.

Lately, I had MSN conversations with him and asked how things were with him. He volunteered the information that she was undergoing counselling sessions in St. Ignatius church. Asked if they got back together, and yes was the answer. I sighed with heaviness in my heart. Having met his girlfriend much earlier over few dinners, not only I was unable to see what he saw in her, she striked me as a spoilt scatterbrain, free loader with a ego that rocketed sky high who happened to think and treat her own boyfriend, my friend like a dog and belittled him in front of his own friends. It was disturbing and heartbreaking to see a friend treated as such.

I have lost count of the times that I advised him to let the relationship go based on facts gathered from him confiding in me. As a friend, I would believe I had done all within my means to help him through bad times, including monetary assistance. Over time, I am exhausted as my words fell on deaf ears, disappointed at his lack of courage, saddened by the erosion of self-dignity. In all these, perhaps no one is as gravely disappointed and heartbroken as his dad, had he knew.

Recently, Gabriel asked if I had a spare car that he could loan for the weekend. He was to go on a family trip with his dad and siblings to Cameron Highlands. His girlfriend's car was in a workshop, and she needed his car to drive down to Malacca to replace another trainer for a beauty workshop. The truth was she made that up. She was not invited for the family trip and she purportedly put him in a spot to choose; her or his family. I was speechless at the extent of her childishness. My call and text to him the night before the trip, asking if he still needed my car, went unanswered and unresponded.

A Buddhist believer might say that he perhaps had wronged her in his previous life, and in this, he is paying for his transgressions. That aside, is love really that blind? I find myself at lost wondering. By horoscope, I am a dreamer and an idealist. As much as I believe in true and unconditional love, I however, do not believe in loving blindly, moreso when it involves physical and psychological violence and abuse. Maybe I am not such an idealist after all, or I have yet to experience the transformational power of love. So tell me, is love also blind to a lifetime of emotional and mental slavery?

Language Bananas

November 11

Rizwan came up and asked how he could get a letter in English translated to Bahasa Malaysia and whom he should enlist the help from. I looked up and asked what kind of letter it would be. "It's a cover letter for a proposal," came the reply. "We have not had such request before. Why don't you email over and let me see if I would be able to help you," I suggested.

The file came and I opened. Hmmm, three pages long and quite a bit of IT terms and jargons. Unfortunately after running a search over the Internet, I was unable to find a free electronic online version of Kamus Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka for English to Bahasa Malaysia translations. I did however find a number of online translator for English to Bahasa Indonesia. As our national language is a little different from the Indonesian Malay language, I was unable to use those free softwares. As I did not want to waste more time on searches, I proceeded to attempt the best I could.

Minus the letters to government ministries and agencies that I had done in my previous jobs, and which were a lot easier and straight-forward, my last use of Bahasa in full fledge was in university ten years ago.So after two hours, I had a draft in Bahasa with two words italicised because I could not find a Bahasa version for them - online and login. Is login called 'daftar masuk'?

No doubt some words were borrowed from English although some actually have the Bahasa version such as modul (module), praktikal (practical), pedagogi (pedagogy), akses (access), informasi (information), implementasi (implementation), adaptasi (adaptation), diskusi (discussion), korridor (corridoor), klik (click) and emel (email). As far as I can remember, some actually have the Bahasa version like maklumat (information) and perbincangan (discussion). If they are in existence, why borrow? Are these coined for and confined within the IT industry and IT communications?

Some, of course were direct translations like layari (surf), jalur lebar (broadband), tetikus (mouse), muat turun (download), meja bantuan (helpdesk), whilst some other have the same spellings but bakunised pronunciations like digital, global, multimedia. These are very common words, used daily in verbal and written communications.

Perhaps that what it means when a language evolves and mature. Coining and creating new terms and words when the need arises, for the sophistication and maturity of the language, especially in this age where things, trends, solutions, ideas are constantly invented and re-invented. Change is inevitable and I guess sometimes changing an original word / term to one that sounds more globalised is not always a bad thing. The other question is however, would such thing kill the language? Would students get confused and get the spellings mixed up? The words got murdered?

Well, at the end of my attempt, I made a mental note to buy and read a Bahasa paper weekly to keep my grasp of the language intact. I was glad that I still managed to translate a letter rather well. Thanks to the extra lessons in the language during my high school years.

On a personal note, I wished I was sent to a chinese medium school. I would have had knowledge of an additional language which would have been an advantage to my work. I am what the chinese-educated referred to as banana person (yellow on the outside, off white on the inside). This is the term for chinese that cannot read, write or speak chinese language and dialects. Chinese but not chinese.

I have no problem conversing in some chinese dialects - Cantonese, Senning, Hokkien, Hakka although less in the latter two. I could manage simple conversations with the extremely limited Mandarin that I know, only read numeric one to ten, some simple words, and write my own name. I am not a parent yet, but when the time comes, I would certainly hope my hubby and I would be able to expose our kids to as many languages and dialects as possible.

Perhaps it is still not too late to learn, though Mandarin does require more practices for both writing and reading. The question I have for myself is whether I am interested and disciplined enough to take up this challenge to become a less-banana person.

We Have A Boy

October 4

A letter came. Printed child-drawn trees and sun decorated the front and the stamp mark dated October 18. The country name printed on the two pieces of 10,000 rupiah stamps was Indonesia. "We have an Indonesian kid," I said to Adrian. It was an introductory letter.

Signed up with World Vision couple of months back to sponsor a child in the region of SEA, Adrian chose not to specify the gender or country of the child to sponsor, merely where needed most. From the letter, we knew it was a boy whose name is Teguh Sabarna and he loves to play with marbles and wishes to serve the nation and country well when he grows up.

The main section with pre-printed lines was where Teguh penned his words. Rounded, child's writing with few alphabets crossing down below the lines, it was quite a joy to see him introducing himself to us. Of course, Indonesian language is quite different from our Bahasa Melayu, with few words that were foreign to us. One of such was marble. We called it guli. The Indonesian word for it was kelereng.

Right below where he signed off, there was a short translation in English, and the name of the translator was also included.

We are encouraged to correspond with him but not allowed to send him gifts. This is to avoid and prevent jealousy among the other children that he is staying with. I wanted to send him a teddy bear, and perhaps a set of clothing since Christmas is end of next month. Sigh.

I have friends who are also sponsoring children in other countries, and they were able to send them gifts like colour crayons. Hmm, perhaps I should make a check with Ted, my brother-in-law. I am sure there is a way to make this boy happy :)

You might wonder what is this about. It is about doing the little that we can to make life better for those in need. So what is World Vision? World Vision is a Christian relief, development and advocacy non-profit organisation that is dedicated in working with poverty-strickened children, families and communities in poor countries with aim and hope to help them build a better future and a sustainable life.

We might not be able to volunteer to be personally hands on for such noble cause due to personal commitments and reasons, but there are other ways that we are able to contribute to make life a little better. RM50 a month for a child from each sponsor from all over the world, and the sponsorship is pooled together to enable these far less fortunate children have better sanitation and health care, better food, clothes to cover their bodies and education. Such sponsorships are not tax deductible, hence not exploited by those simply seeking tax exemptions.

http://www.worldvision.com.my/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1

Only the poor are unable to give because they do not have enough to feed themselves. One must be really poor to find himself unable to give!

Printed drawing on the back of the two-fold letter (like an aerogramme). Titled Gembira pergi ke pesta, it was drawn by a four-year old girl, Tallisa Puspita Sari from Sanggar.

Did I Meet the Mark

November 2

I was looking through the set of job appraisal forms and did a quick assessment of myself. The self-assessment process would be followed by a sit-in one-to-one session with my boss. I made mental notes of why I rated myself the way I did and decided to have them written as I submit the set in next week.

How do we see ourselves in our efforts and contributions to the companies we work for? How do we rate our work performance? Up to par? Below expectation? Effective,or commendable or better still excellent? These are the common ratings of performance. Generally, mid year and year end are the two timelines for such exercises. Some working individuals would shiver at the thought of appraisal, some would get anxious and bracing for the worst they could think of, some could not even be bothered, some take it as it comes, some look forward to it as a form of check and balance, and some get excited because it's time to negotiate for increment and bonus (for those whose companies do not include contractual bonus into their salary package).

Some are extremely fortunate to work for companies that take the extra and conscientious efforts to ensure that employees' welfare are taken care of, including:

• Revising salary package as and when needed to ensure that employees are paid at market rates;


• Ex-gratia (for companies that are able to reward their employees thanks to high revenues and nett profits);


• Providing higher rate for EPF contribution and retirement benefit;


• Revising rates for mileage claims and travelling allowance;


• Higher number of annual leave;


• Replacement leave for public holidays that fall on saturdays;


• Medical coverage (out-patient treatments) for immediate family members without maximum cap, and a fixed maximum amount for surgical procedures & hospitalisation determined by salary grade;


• Life and personal accident insurance;


• Dental and eye care;


• Transportation for staffs working on shifts, and finishing late at night;


• Subsidised handphone allowance for employees who are required to use it out of office;


• Subsidised parking in premises with independent car park operators;


• Safety of vehicles in car park, especially if company owns the premise, or part of the premise;


• Subsidised food and drinks in office cafeteria, or beverages (including soft drinks and energy drinks) and light snacks (eg biscuits & cookies) in office. This is extremely considerate and kind of employers as recent rise in cost of living has taken its toll on the mid and lower income groups);


• Annual dinners and trips;


• Tokens for zero medical leave on quarterly basis;


• Payback for unutilised leave due to work commitments (especially for employees whose scope of work and responsibilities do not enable him / her to utilise all entitled leave; whose annual entitlement exceeds 24 days, excluding the number of days carried forward from the year before!);
  
• ESOS, by default for employees who has completed the first year of service (eg five units to be exercised within a stipulated time). Just to name a few (haha..)

These make up only one aspect of working, having caring employers and your welfare taken care of. Some of us are working for companies that have not been able to provide all these due to many reasons, including lower revenue stream. Do we tell our employers that since they are unable to provide all these benefits, therefore we call it quits? Which is more important? Good salary package and employee benefits? Good career paths? Good employers? Positive, warm and politics-free working environment? Good corporate culture? Team-work driven? KPIs driven? Is each more important than the others? Some may carry more weightage than others, depending on our personal work expectations and priorities.

The question is what are your expectation and priorities? These are up to each of us to define. How good and bad a working place is sometimes how internalised one is with the company setup and culture. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. There must be a sense a belonging, which some of us struggle with as we move about switching jobs and career at some points of our working life. What does it take for us to give our 100 percent commitment and dedication? We are afterall humans, of the flesh, and are susceptible to the ups and downs of life and surroundings, emotions and state of mind. Sometimes we get affected by some idiotic and insensitive people in office, sometimes we get a***holes that constantly make life hellish. Occasionally we get fickled-minded and ego-inflated individuals. Then can you give your 100 percent?

Well, for me, it's .....for you to find out :P and I am keeping my fingers crossed for my session of 'did i meet the mark'.