Friends Are Forever

August 22

Some of us hold on to precious thoughts and memories of friends, and often recall the good times together. For some of us, friends are our brothers and sisters whom we share laughters and tears, happiness and misery, joy and sorrow, truimphs and failures and who are there for us when we are high with successes and down in the darkest hours.

Some call it bonding. Others call it brotherhood or sisterhood. Friendship is the establishing of mutual knowledge, understanding, trust, respect, esteem, affection, honesty and loyalty between two sentient beings. Central of human experience and engendering a sentiment of camaraderie, frienships vary in degree of closeness and exclusivity.

Recently, I saw pictures of a group of high school friends, who I used to hang out so often and so much that when we were about to leave school, we made a forever-friends pact.

There was something missing though. I was not in the picture, and my heart sank. A deep sense of sadness swept over me as my heart was laced with disappointment, guilt and regret. I had fallen out from the group. Over the years I had not been in touch with them much, occasionally dropping one or two of them emails and messages. A few of them left the country for a better life overseas. The picture was taken at a gathering as two returned recently for holidays.

I was guilty and regretted for losing touch with them. I was guilty of the lack of behaviour expected of a friend. What I shared with them in those carefree high school days were lost and no amount of effort can restore the bonding we shared, or mend the broken relationships. Some friendships, unfortunately are unable to pick up where they were left off. Perhaps my consolation comes from the good memories I had with them; and though now I have lost the closeness with them, I hold each of them close to my heart, and dearly in my thoughts.

Some would say that it is pointless to fuss over spilled milk. I can't go back in time but if there was even half an opportunity to turn back the clock, I would keep the bond. As I grew older, I learned to cherish good friends; while acquiantances are aplenty and frienships are easily formed, good and true friends are hard to come by, and even harder to keep.

(Standing, from left) Wooi Ling, Karen, Lai Yee, Adriane & Poh Gaik

(Seated, from left) Lynnette, Swee Hoon & Seok Teng

BMR Over Dinner

August 18

(left, clockwise) stuffed mushrooms, Margherita pizza, chicken milanese, and Sicilian chicken salad

Reservation for six was made for dinner at 7.30pm. One by one, they trickled into the restaurant from various workplaces, from Port Klang to HP Tower in Damansara Heights. A finance manager, an analyst, a financial controller, a corporate communications manager, a financial planner, and a financial & tax consultant.

There were Senny, Li Lian, Bee Kwan, Wei Hong, Wei Chon and myself. We met in 1994 as coursemates in Tunku Abdul Rahman College, better known as TAR College (TARC). Remained in touch over the years, but last met three years ago, we decided it was time to catch up. Some others, unfortunately, were unable to join us.

While the five of them pursued their qualifications and remained in financial sector, I had long given up on that line of work. I was simply not cut out to do finance or accounting. I was in TARC for only one-and-a-half years, and i re-applied for a place in one of the local universities. I wanted to get into a university, and I also knew I would not had made it had I stayed on. Into University of Malaya I went and never looked back since, except for the good times shared with them whilst i was there.

Stories of work, spouses, kids, and food were exchanged across the tables and it took us quite a while to actualy look through the menu and ordered our food. So caught up we were in conversations that none of us wanted to think too much of our drinks. We ordered the same thing - ice lemon tea, haha.

(above) Wei Chon (left) and Wei Hong

Senny (left) and Li Lian

All four ladies turned and gave Wei Chon a questioning look when he first declined to take a piece of the Margherita pizza that just came. Earlier he took a scoop of the Sicilian chicken salad. Claimed that he was cutting down on his food intake to reduce some weight. But he was not fat at all, so we figured that he must have had dinner date with his other half. Well, he did finish the pizza after much coaxing.

raisin bread pudding

Sad bunch we were when we thought the whole dinner was rather sinful by the time we hit the fourth dish. We had not even had our dessert of raisin bread pudding! The topic of BMR (basal metabolic rate) came into discussion. The higher the score, the better of course. That means we can eat more. http://www.internetfitness.com/calculators/bmr.htm

My last medical checkup was done in the early part of 2007. Three quarters of this year are almost over. My next check should be done come 2009. I am not too worried about my bad cholesterol as I have been abstaining from popular culprits - roti canai and nasi lemak - the former for eight years now and I last had the latter almost six months ago. No fan of fast food, my last visit to a fast-food chain was almost two years ago. The last deep-fried chicken i had was almost two weeks ago, which i prepared for the dinner with Connie, Fai & Mary Anne. That is just a small part. There are other stuffs to check. Protein, glucose, uric acid, creatinine, enzymes, minerals & electrolytes. There are also the various scans, and ECG, yada yada ....oh well... :)

The First Candle

August 17



Mommy, Diane was in the kitchen preparing orange cordial while Daddy, Sern Wei was getting the camcorder ready to capture shots and videos of the birthday do for little Amber, who would be turning one on Tuesday.

Adrian and I were the first two to arrive and little Amber had just been bathed and was being dressed up by the maid. Looking cute and pretty in a pale pink dress, with two dainty-looking butterfly clips on her hair, she seemed uncomprehensible of all the fuss around her.

(above) Amber in arms of Diane, and Lysandra in Christina's

Amber with mommy, Diane

Guests started arriving and soon the house was filled with relatives and friends, happily catching up with each other. They shared about their kids and what they have been up to. Toddlers, kids and young teens were all over the porch, living room, and the kitchen.

Calvin, 11 months' old and Lysandra, five months' old were the closest in age with Amber, who has two older brothers, Darren, eight and Ryan, five. While Lysandra was most of the time cradled in mommy, Christina or daddy, Bruno's arms, Calvin was already able to sit and crawl all over the place. He was a happy toddler, smiling and cheerful the whole night. He was busy with the toy he had in his chubby hands, half the time moved about as he was drawn to things here and there, unaffected by the crowd in the room, or the volume of adult chatters, or the Olympics on TV.

What a sight of parents busy attending to their juniors, playing toys with them, and cooing them on. Whilst most of the girls seated quietly with their food, and closed to their mommies and daddies, the boys were hyper. They played guns and replica of devices in the currently popular cartoon, Ben 10, and ran in and out of the house at the speed of lightning.

Diane and Sern Wei catered for burgers and satay for guests, something unusual for a birthday do, but popular among Malaysians, regardless of race. Given any point of time, kids and adults alike enjoy having those tasty Ramly burgers. Orders went in for berger ayam spesial, hotdog spesial and benjo telur. Beef and chicken satays were all snapped up.

"It has been ages since I had them," answered Adrian when Sern Wei asked him when he last had Ramly burgers. "I am forbidden to eat them," he added. Looking at him with half a smile and half a glare, I told him that he should thank Little Amber for giving him the reason to feast on them. Sern Wei and Diane laughed.

Little Amber was in the arms of her mommy, Diane who stood right in front of the birthday cake. It was time to sing birthday song to the birthday girl. Uncomfortable with the sight of so many pairs of eyes on her, Amber started having a downturned pout on her little face, and tears were welling up in her eyes. The singing had probably sounded thunderous and frightening that she began to cry. When it came to "....Happy Birthday to Amber", she was already wailing and screaming her lungs out. Grandma had to take her off Diane, and gently calm her. Ten minutes passed and she had the first bite of her birthday cake, lovingly fed by Grandma.

First birthdays, as many mommies recalled, were quite a do for their kids when they turned one. One thing for sure, they all added extra flavouring to their birthday cakes.

(from left) Laryssa, Bruno, Lysandra, Christina, Amber, Diane, Adrian and me

When I Becomes We

August 13

Happiness was written on J's face when she shared with me that her partner, M proposed to her last week. She did not see it coming, she said, and it caught her by surprise. On one of her slender fingers was a huge, beautiful solitaire.

General perspection has that women would want their men to pop the question, be it an expression of sincerity, or a surprise that would bring about the rush and elation of being proposed to after a romantic dinner. Many would have had dreamt or envisioned how their weddings would be like. The big day, with perfection and grandeur in even the smallest of details.

From selecting the date for the signing ceremony to the perfect theme that best depict the union, from selecting a perfect pair of wedding rings (or bands, and mind you, there is a difference) to elaborate princess like gowns and charming suits for photoshoot, from planning the extensive guest list to door gifts, dinner reception venue layout, decor and menu. Those of Christian and Catholic faiths, there is also the pre-nuptial preparation course that a couple is required to complete six months prior to the big day.

My sister's wedding is coming up end of the month. The last i checked was the invitation cards were almost ready to be delivered to her guests. Earlier she had been in a dilemma in picking the right venue for her dinner reception, which was a battle between cost and setting & look. Was it a question of keeping up with modernity, or feeding one's ego (because do not want to 'loose face') or showing off to others, or was it a question of sharing the memorable day with family, friends, and guests. What have weddings become?

Every wedding is a beautiful memory and celebration, be it a simple signing ceremony, an outdoor wedding on the beach, in a garden, underwater or up on a mountain, or a extravagant elaborate grand wedding befitting a royalty. It's an expression of two soulmates' desire to spend the rest of their lives together, in happiness and sorrow, in sickness and health, for poorer and richer, for as long as they live till death separates.

The essence of marriage lies not in how beautiful the wedding ceremony or photos were, or how many guests attended the dinner, or even how unique the invitation cards were, or how well the decorations were done. These, after all would lie in the back of our memory as years pass on. The wedding album would likely be stored in the drawer, and the wedding gown in the closet (hoping to preserve it long enough to pass on to the daughter).

Being married for not too many years, I am no expert in relationship or marriage. One thing I do know is marriage states one's willingness to take chances in loving the significant half. To me, it is a lifetime journey of seeking and discovering the many treasures (and dumps,haha). A journey that moulds two individuals to be one, without losing individuality. Marriage is about acceptance, sacrifices, sharing, motivating and understanding. It is not about doing a favour by accomodating, and expecting the favour to be returned. It is about 'he' before 'i' (or 'she' before 'i'), and 'i' becomes 'we'.

Something About Mary

August 11

There was definitely something about Mary - so much weight loss that we stood staring at her, lost for words. My good friend, Mary Anne returned for a short two-week break from Melbourne and instead of having dinner at some fancy restaurants, I decided a cosy dinner at our place would be a better idea.

Sunday afternoon, I was in my kitchen preparing away, cutting, slicing and chopping. Capsicums, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots, baby corns, turnip, onions, cloves of garlic. The night before I marinated some pork and chicken and had them in the fridge. Peanut soup with chicken feet and dried sole was boiling in the pot on one side of my two-burner stove. By six in the evening, I managed to whip up sweet and sour chicken with tomatoes, cucumber, baby corns and onions, black pepper pork with capsicums, stir-fried shredded turnip & carrot with dried shrimps, siew pak choy with garlic & oyster sauce, and soup.

Five of us - Fai, Connie, Mary, Adrian and I - adjourned to our humble looking junglelike garden after dinner for more catching up and dessert of ice cream. Mary shared about her life in Melbourne, occasionally about good old days when we were all working together.

Like Fai, Mary and I were colleagues in the same department when we were working for The Star. She joined four months after I did. Early one morning, she came up to me (more like she crept up on me, haha) and said "I heard that you do ciggies. You want to go down together?". From her coffee-coloured skin tone and facial features, it was obvious that Mary was of mixed parentage. "Are you Cindian?" I asked. "No, Cibai" came the reply. My face must have had the look 'why such vulgarity'. Mary laughed and explained that she was of Chinese-Punjabi parentage. From then on, we waited for one another to get into the department on the 10th floor, and did breakfast, lunch, and dinner or teh tarik sessions together. Fai joined us mainly for lunch and teh tarik sessions. Times when we weren't seen together were times when either one of us was on leave.

We are six years apart from each other, Mary, six years my junior and Fai, six years my senior. Together the three of us had lots of crazy chats, silly jokes and hilarious exchanges. Mary and Fai kept me company when Adrian was away for lengthy overseas projects. I am ever grateful and thankful for their unconditional friendships and all the wonderful precious memories we shared. Mary and Fai, thank you. Here's to a lifetime of love and friendship...CHEERS!

Mary, Fai and me

The Godly Allure

August 6

My cousin, Maggie sent an instant message over MSN in the evening, exhilarated having booked herself and friend, Candy a good deal for her holiday trip next year to Bali, for the second time. Her trip to the Island of Gods last year included couple of places that Adrian and I did not manage to cover when we were there for our honeymoon in 2006.

Tempted to join her, I was quite sure I would not be able to get two weeks off from work. Lucky for her, Nyepi falls on 26 March 2009, a day before departing the island on her would be 13-day trip. Nyepi, primarily a Hindu holiday, is observed by all Balinese, including non-Hindu residents, out of respect for fellow citizens. The day would begin at 6 a.m. and end 6 a.m. the next day. A day reserved for self-reflection, all residents would go into silence, fasting and meditation. All forms of activities would be prohibited and businesses would be closed, including the island's only airport. Lights would be turned off and residents disallowed to go onto streets or beaches. Even tourists would not be of exceptions. Only life threatening emergencies would be attended to.

We covered most of the hotspots on our five-day holiday - Kuta, Ubud, Sukawati, Legian, Seminyak, Jimbaran, Nusa Dua, Tanah Lot and Kintamani. Our itinerary begun with dinner at Made's Warung, which came highly recommended. Located slightly further from Kuta Square, it served great Balinese and Indonesian dishes (then I was not into taking pictures of food, plus we were hungry, which explains why there were no pictures).

Captivating masterpieces in Dewa Putu Waris, Studio of Artist Painting in Desa Batuan.

The seven mile in diametre and sixty feet deep Mount Batur, the active volcano up in Kintamani (and no, the volcano was not phewing smoke in case you are wondering).

Paddy fields along the hills on way down from Kintamani.

Sunset at Jimbaran. Plenty of seafood restaurants along the Jimbaran beach where tourists would be seated on the beach and feast on their dinners at exorbitant prices.

Our second day dinner was at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co in Kuta, located opposite Bali Garden, the hotel where we stayed.

One of the many shops along the streets in Legian that sold colourful, assorted bead accessories.

Breathtaking seaview in Nusa Dua, where water sports prevailed. The curious me went for water-skiing and parasailing.

Tanah Lot, where one of of Bali's important sea temples is located atop a huge rock, and would be surrounded by seawaters during high tide.

The hotel garden where we stayed was a picture of absolute peace and tranquility.

We had a two-hour spa treatment at the Balquisse Spa in Jimbaran before we departed. Flipping through the album after so long, it would certainly be a treat to return to the island. A stay at a boutique resort would indeed be a luxury.

The Goodbye That Never Was

August 4

The silence of the night was broken by upbeat flamboyant singing. Loud and boisterous, the annual performance was part of the ongoing Hungry Ghost festival celebration by the chinese community of Taoist and Buddhist faiths around our residential area. The seventh month of the chinese lunar calendar is also known as the Ghost Month, in which ghosts and spirits are believed to travel to world of the living from the lower realm.

Part of the street is cordoned off, making space for a temporary performance stage and an altar, which is filled with food offerings such as pink and off-white wheat buns, fruits, dishes, candles, joss sticks, joss papers, as well as deities and material offerings such as clothes,shoes, gold bars made of paper to please the visiting spirits.

The area is filled with smoke, especially at night from the constant, profuse burning of joss sticks, joss papers and incense till the 13th day, when the realm of heaven, hades and of the living are believed to open. The living would perform ritualistic offerings to transmute and absolve the suffering the those that had gone to the lower realm.

I wonder if I would get a visit this year from my beloved grandfather, who passed away almost 12 years ago. I was in my first year of university and was two week shy of my first semester break at the end of August. Earlier that year I was working part time in Resorts World, and I never saw him for Chinese New Year. I returned to KL to send in my application for a placement in local universities, and whilst I waited for the good news, I worked in an engineering firm.

Four years earlier, after his 81st birthday, he was diagnosed with renal failure, and had to undergo dialysis twice a week in Ipoh. I was in sixth form. The mornings he was to have his dialysis, I would dutifully prepare his breakfast, make his milo and pack bread for his late morning tea after the sessions ended.

Within the first three months after his demise, I had the same dream of him for three consecutive days. He'd not failed to pay me a visit in my dreams each year; either near Qing Ming (paying homage to ancestors) or during the seventh month. Perhaps he had missed his granddaughter. He was a dotting grandfather. Or maybe it was me who had missed him and had been carrying the guilt of not able to say my last goodbye. Perhaps a goodbye is not needed, for I carry the memories of him in me.

Whose Dream

August 3

We went to an evangelical play Saturday night at DUMC Dream Centre in Section 13, PJ. My friend, Sharon and partner, Allan invited us. They must have been compelled to invite us, the two backslidden christians for such plays, in hope to guide these two strayed sheep back to the Almighty.

The play was about a young man, Kiang who was about to leave school, and his parents, who were hawkers selling prawn noodles, had high hopes for him, and of him. He was to fulfill the dreams that the older couple never had. Senior Khoo wanted his son to further his studies in Australia as an accountant. The young man dreamt of becoming a renowned chef.

The young Kiang went against his father's wish, left home and pursued his dream in a foreign land. During his six years away chasing his own dream, he paid tribute to his father by perfecting his father's recipe for prawn noodles soup paste. He had dreams to grow the business of selling prawn noodles into concept stores.

The older Khoo, though secretly proud of his son's achievements and success, could not bring himself to utter the words that his son yearned to hear. Instead of a pat on the shoulder, he continued to lash out his anger, disappointments, and discouragements. It was when his son decided to leave again that he finally came to his senses.

His best friend grew up loving plants and wanted to be a horticulturist. Instead, she pursued her father's dream and along the way, cultivated the love for architecture. She graduated and returned home as an architect, and enjoyed contributing to the family business.

It matters not whose dream each of us are pursuing in life, ours or our parents'. Be they paths that are self-chosen, or of higher calling, dreams of those whose hearts are set right are worthy of blessings, which in His infinite wisdom and time, would come to pass.

Fluttering & Buzzing Beauties

August 2

Seated in the porch, I was enjoying the chirpings of birds in the trees and the soothing sound of cascading waters in our neighbour's new garden pond. It was amazing how therapeutic nature can be to the mind, soul and senses.

Having moved into this place of our own almost two years back, we have spent many hours under the scorching sun in attempts to beautify a modest looking patch into a garden. The patch ended up looking more a jungle, with mixture of water plants, creepy-crawlies, bougainvilleas, bamboo, japanese roses, monkey's cup, money plants, lantanas, bonsai, fir, and a few of other plants that we have no idea are called. We even have pandan, in case i need them as flavour enhancer for dishes i would prepare.

Our earlier efforts with flowering plants including daisy and petunia turned futile as they were delicate, susceptible to garden pests and caterpillars and required constant care. We decided to stick to those that needed less attention as Adrian and i only have time to tend to them in the weekends.

Our frequent guests are butterflies in all shapes, sizes, and colours, dragonflies, honey bees, birds and squirrels. The squirrels are the least frequent of them all. They would drop in on and off to forage for some forms of food (which I don't think are available). Birds would perch on the fence, occasionally chirped a greeting before taking off.

Dwarf honey bees, about the size of peas would buzz round, making pit stops at each flower to harvest nectar and pollen. These hardworking black-and-yellow striped foragers had started off as young worker bees cleaning and feeding larvae, progressed to receiving pollen and nectar and guarding the hive, before leaving the hive as foragers. They would remain so till the end of their lifecyle.

Elegant, svelte looking dragonflies often perched on the lotus in the small garden pond of ours. They visit us daily, especially the vibrant magenta-red beauty, though a lot less since our plant decided to stop growing. Characterised by a pair of large compound eyes, two pairs of transparent wings that are held horizontally, and occasionally downward and forward, they are often found near water because their larvae, nymphs are aquatic.

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Our garden is probably one of the many playgrounds for those pretty and colourful butterflies that flutter daintily in mid air. Carefree and often oblivious, they would make short stops to sip and feast on flower nectar. As though possessing sixth sense, these beauties seem to know each time I attempt to capture still moments of them in motion (or rather not in motion).

More often than not, I would end up disappointed not able to do so with the idiot-proof digital camera. Perhaps we should invest in an SLR...