Thoughts in Words

To Draw a Line or Not

2010-07-19T16:40:00.020+08:00

July 19

I got into a lift in the office building that I am working in and I saw a delivery guy holding a bouquet of flowers. Nothing fancy that was eye-catching; just olive-green-and-pale-cream-coloured wrappers, big bow and leaves that accompanied the few stalks of off-white lilies and anthurium. I found out later that the bouquet was for a married lady from a male whom I was told happened not to be her husband and that was the second bouquet of same colour scheme in six months. each time, the lady kept the flowers in the office and never brought it home, for obvious reasons.

It struck me that while she was definitely enjoying the flattery and attention, she was indulging in a form of escapism that probably provided her the excitement and thrills as she temporarily escapes to from her family and work life that might have gotten mundane. This got me thinking how each of us has own ways and means to shelf the problems on hand and get transported to an illusive world for some euphoric moments, which might somewhat help energise and preserve our sanity as we return to reality.

The other question is how many of such so-called harmless escapisms stayed the way they are and not take a different turn? Does the act of accepting and indulging in flattery and attention of another man constitute infidelity? Some say infidelity starts with a thought but how do you define it? Where is the line and when to draw it before one overstep and risks everything precious? It's almost like tempting fate.

On the other hand, some had tempted fate and succumbed to it. Three months ago, a girlfriend of mine told me that she suspected her husband cheating on her. She was at the brink of devastation and she had no one to talk to and she was afraid that she would succumb to mental breakdown if she continued to keep it to herself. There were sessions of shouting back and forth including a few with him slapping and pushing her around. She even confessed that her husband, who was earning at least 1/3 more than her, had never paid for the house mortgage or forked out money for the household expenses. He had never paid a single sen for their son's expenses (babysitter, diapers, milk, etc). Instead he indulged in expensive hobbies; first was exotic shrimp rearing, then it was photography with almost full set of equipment and lenses. All these of course were paid using plastics and you can imagine the shock my friend had when she saw all the statements. The year before her husband had gotten RM30K loan from his mum to pay off the debts. Instead of learing from such expensive lesson, he went on to incur additional debts. Of the five cards that he had, the debt for one of the plastics was already over RM8K. Despite all these, she decided to stay in her marriage because she could not bear the thought of what others would think of her if she had divorced.

Another girlfriend who was married for over 10 years had recently filed for divorce. Her husband had an affair when she was pregnant with their first child. She found out and confronted him, he admitted and she forgave him. Six years later when she was pregnant with their second child, history repeated itself. This time he denied and they went for marriage counselling. The counselling did not work. He told her that he no longer loved her. That was the last straw as my girlfriend thought there was no point in staying on the marriage anymore. She is now fighting for sole custody of her two children, age 9 and 3.

While one decided to put up with the man that belittled and trampled upon her, the other decided to pack her bag and leave. Both had to go through the painful journey. While the latter took the bold step forward in an effort to be emancipated, the former chose to remain in the shackles of emotional and psychological bondage. As I watched from the outer circle, my heart goes out for them; the latter for her courage and strength to find happiness for herself, the latter the same in hope that she would find her own selfworth and if her marriage could not be saved, the courage to fight for her own happiness and sanity.

Comeback

2010-03-09T20:14:00.010+08:00

July 11

The last ten months had been an emotional journey, having to cope with the loss of my grandma, my brother's court case and job uncertainty and unhappiness. The last six months have been a tremendously busy time as I took on a new job, a new role that demanded more multi-tasking ability and gives me more work and people-related challenges.

Throughout this period, I would not deny the many bouts of frustrations and depression that took me on every other day, having to deal with staff of various personalities, work flow and procedures that are cannot be considered as best practices. My consolation came from knowing how much I could learn in my area of work that could broaden my experience under the communications spectrum. Everyday, I drew strength from my faith that God would certainly provide His grace and guidance in every way, having opened the door to this new chapter.

Someone once told me that as one climbs the corporate ladder, there would come a time that the only person that could pull me out of every low is myself. "You'd have to pull youself out of the dark pit hole that you have fallen into". Those words now ring true as I find that I am unable to share my frustrations with my teammates (as they are my source of frustrations most times) and I cannot be expecting my superior to have motivating session with me each time I fall into a well or hit a wall. Wallowing in self-pity and misery is certainly not fruitful and drains away whatever good energy that I am left with.

These are the times I realised that spending time with optimistic and positive people helps. Recently, I had the privilege to be friends with a pair of young chaps - twins, whom I find are exuding with very positive energy and somewhat carefree. It is probably also due to them being in mid twenties, at the prime of their youth and enjoying all that life brings. One of them has this among his favourite quotes, 'Nothing is Impossible if you put your heart, soul and love, as well as time and effort to it'.

Perhaps with time, effort and perseverence, things at work and with the new team would take a new turn for the better. For now, I shall press on...

Still in Our Midst?

2009-12-10T12:47:00.003+08:00

September 11

I called Tai Yee up to ask if Grandma's spirit is lingering around. I was curious as I could still feel so.

"Yes, she is as the 100 days mourning is not over yet," Tai Yee said.

I then related to her the two dreams I had of Grandma for two consecutive nights. She appeared asking where all her supplements had gone and I non-chalantly answered her they were taken by my aunts. Shaking her head, she said "Must leave some for others, cannot take all".

The second night I saw her sitting on her favourite rest chair. She turned and asked me to give her shoulders a massage, which of course I was more than happy to oblige.

Relating these to my aunt and uncle, I mentioned that perhaps they should burn another paper doll. She was probably indicating that she wanted more pampering. Man, she did know how to ask :) without asking.

Dewey

2009-07-18T18:29:00.010+08:00

July 11

The first thought I had when I saw the name Dewey was the three nephews of Donald Duck's, Huey, Louie and Dewey. On the cover of the book that I was holding in my hand was not a picture of a duckling, it was of a cute and smart looking cat that went by the name Dewey Readmore Books.

He was named after Melvil Dewey, the inventor of the Dewey Decimal Classification, a proprietary system of library classification that organises subject categories corresponding to three-digit numerals, with further specification expressed by numerals following a decimal point.

The book was authored by Vicki Myron, the former director of the Spencer Library, Iowa USA. One cold January morning, Vicki found the then eigth-weeks' old Dewey in the library drop box just after she checked in for work.

It was to be the beginning of a intimate and endearing relationship that lasted 19 years, which ended with Vicki having made the hardest and most heartwrenching decision of putting Dewey to sleep as he was suffering from a stomach tumour that gave him nothing but pain.

For someone who is really not too fond of cats, i actually bought the book, and finished it within day. It wasn't a thick book. "Wow, it must be really captivating," Adrian remarked. He knew that when I read, I actually read. I do not browse or scan through, and for me to finish within a day, it had to be quite good given the fact that I attended to house chores in between. It normally takes me two days to a week plus to finish one, depending on the books and the contents.

One of the parts that I liked most in Dewey was when he discovered there was more on the world outside the library where he grew up in. When library patrons left the building, he was tempted to follow them out. One day, he attempted that three times and Vicki, being the protective mother, came out from her office and walked right up to the front door and reprimanded him in the sternest mother voice that I could imagine.

"You get back in here young man," and as soon as the words left her mouth, she saw a young man who had just left the building turned back and hurried into the library, took one of the magazines on the rack and buried his head into it. Dewey strolled in, and Vicki saw a smile on his face. I think it would have been more of a schmuck. I could imagine what an embarassing yet hilarious scene that was :) hehe.

My cousin, Calvin would love this book. He is a cat lover, much to my surprise when I first discovered it in the course of one of our catching up sessions. Hey Calvin, you want to borrow Dewey?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8nSg8oxrfA&NR=1

Visitors from Heaven

2009-07-18T18:24:00.004+08:00

July 5

It is almost a month since Grandma's passing. Gone were the days that I would call home and speak to her and she would tell me about her health and updates from other family members. I get emotional whenever I think or speak of her and I can hear her voice in my head, especially the last conversation I had with her the night before she breathed her last.

Last night i dreamt of her, lying still before me. She moved when I held her hand in mine. "She's still alive, quick, get a doctor," I said. I woke up and the dream was interrupted. I felt the tears in my eyes. As I returned to sleep, I carried thoughts of her with me.

A week ago, I had a dream of my Grandpa who passed on almost 13 years ago. It was of him falling and I caught him in my arms. I felt my Grandma standing behind me as I held him but I could not see her face.

This year, I had several dreams of my grandparents and they were present in each of the dreams. Recalling them, I could not help wonder if it was a sign to me that the time had come for them to be reunited in the other world. I know they are now and I hope they are watching over me, like they had done.

Beloved Po Po

2009-06-18T20:07:00.012+08:00

June 9

You cradled your first grandchild when she was brought home after spending 40 days in a glass. Lovingly and patiently you fed her, bathed her, changed her diapers, kept her safe and warm in your embrace every night; nurtured, taught and disciplined her with love, as you did your own children;

She remembers your soft, gentle hands that prepared her favourites dishes, makes her tasty kan shui chung (dumplings) and tong yuen (glutinous rice balls); that rub oitment on her upset tummy, braided her hair, and threaded her eyebrows. The same hands that spanked her when she misbehaved as a kid and that gave her blessings at the tea ceremony of her wedding;

Her fondest memories are the times she'd lie on your lap for comfort, and nestled in your bosoms for reassurance; your voice both her source of strength and guide;

You were the revered matriach who held the family together and were always larger than life, setting examples for your children and their children. You fulfilled your role as woman, wife, mother and grandmother with dignity, and took on life's challenges with great resilience, tenacity, perseverence and determination even in your last day;

You imparted in us great values and principles that you firmly upheld and virtues that each of us (most of the time) fall short of but strive to emulate; your big-heartedness and kindness through your words, deeds and thoughts touched many lives, and your quick-mindedness, tact and wisdom never failed to astound those that crossed path with you;

In the remaining years, you put up with a failing heart and a bad knee and you endured the pains and sufferings with head held high. Such steely was your will till you breathed your last in the arms of your loving daughter, on a morning cruise amidst scenic greens and mountains.

Po Po dearest, the pain of losing you and the grief in my heart are beyond words. A loss so great and deep that transcends understanding; I never told you this - I dreamt of your death many times and each time, I woke up with tears streaming down my cheeks. I never failed to ask God not to take you home till I am ready but I guess I'd never be ready. I had to let God do His will.

Po Po, I can never thank you enough for taking care of me, for your unconditional love. I was both your granddaughter and a late daughter. As you lie in peace, reunited with Kung Kung, may the good Lord bless you. Till we meet again one day, you are forever cherished and treasured in the heart of your granddaughter.

Ah...Goodness Me

2009-05-15T14:07:00.007+08:00

April 28

The last few days had not been doing justice to my eyes. They were overused for copy checking of the entire annual report - 3 full drafts. Minus the covers, they have gone through 86 pages of text and numbers. 37 pages of financial statements and notes to the statements. I know some others had gone through far more pages than I did.

My empathy (and sympathy) go to those at the design agencies. The account manager that was assigned to my company annual report told me she went through the financials for three companies in one day. I am sure her vision and mind went bonkers. A total of almost 200 pages of numbers and notes! Suddenly 37 pages did not sound so bad after all. For a 86-page single language copy, it is probably considered moderately thick. The challenging part I would say was to single-handedly liaised with the various teams - outsourced company secretary, outsourced internal auditors, external auditors, directors, business units, outsourced share registrar, outsourced design agency and finance division to have all the inputs for the sections compiled and put together.

Thankfully I did not have to write the statements under the Corporate Governance section myself (and I don't know how either). And I had signed off the copy for print late evening at the design agency. Another 50% to go before the important day for a PLC - the AGM. Let's see, the venue has been booked and menu confirmed. The artwork for the Notice had been done and ready to be published on the scheduled date. Then there is the delivery of the printed books and circular to the bulk mailer (to shareholders), share registrar, company secretary and Bursa Malaysia, the AGM script for the Chairman, the AGM Q&A, and presentation slides. And after the AGM, printed books to the media and financial analysts and investment houses. Sigh, another month plus before my schedule is back to normal.

To Live or Not To Live

2009-03-18T21:51:00.006+08:00

March 18

I texted my cousin Maggie, asking her for the date of the fifth session of chemotheraphy that my tai yee was to go for. Her replied came that it was scheduled for 23 March, and my tai yee was adamant not to go as she feared the nausea, vomitting, and fatigue that she'd have to endure thereafter.

With a heavy sigh, I told my hubby. A short moment of silence and he asked if it was true that when one is fighting for life, one choose to die, and when death knocks on the door, one chooses to live. What about those who made the decisions to take their own lives, and half way through the act, they decide to live?

I had my bouts of suicidal thoughts when I was a teenager, back in high school. Death seemed the easy way out from the so-called bigger than life problems for an adolescent, yet I lacked the courage see it through.

Over the years I realised that my faith was my saving grace. God gave each of us life, and life being a precious gift, should not be taken lightly, or for granted. While I might have thought that I did not have to face and deal with problems after dying, I forgot that the ones that live would have to bear the heartache and grief. It was a selfish act had I had taken my own life.

Life is never without problems and challenges, all sorts, all ways and almost every other day. But God is good, and if He allows these challenges in our lives, He would carry us through. He did not promise a rosy life, but giving us strength, grace and mercy when we seek Him. The will of God will never take us where the Grace of God will not protect us.

As much as we wished we could, we could never fully understand and feel the suffering and terrible discomforts that my aunt is going through during this trying period. No one can except those who have survived the treatment and disease. We help in whatever ways that we can; encourage her with words, giving physical support and help but only God can minister to her heart, give strength and courage to her mind and take her fears and restlessness away.

We pray for God's strength and courage for my aunt as she fights this challenge. God hears our prayers and understands her struggles and fears. He is a God that heals and we ask for His healing to begin in her and make her whole again.

If you are reading this, and you are one that believes in God and the power of miracle, please pray with us, for her.

Thank you and may the good Lord bless and keep you and family.

To be or Not to be

2009-03-12T08:02:00.006+08:00

February 27-28

Adrian's office had moved to KL Sentral from Menara Keck Seng on Jalan Bukit Bintang as the space rental had shot up way too high since Pavillion KL came about across the busy road. He had to return to the new office to move boxes and unpack. Yes, he became coolie for the last two days together with some others. The whole exercise, in my humble opinion after hearing all the problems they had and came across in the new office, was extremely badly coordinated by the Admin & HR department.

While he was busy in office from morning 10am to night 8pm, I was busy with laundry, cleaning the house and mopping the floor, ironing, did gardening and prepare my own meals. The day before, we had a chat upon his return, and I asked how the all moving went. The movers had moved all the boxes from the old office to the new, but could not move them to the various departments and workstations respectively because the workstations were not fully set up. They had to move them to another area in the new office. Since the set up was only completed few hours later, the staffs had to move the boxes themselves to where the files and documents had to be kept, and since they did not complete the exercise that night, they had to return to office today to move the rest of the boxes and items.

My first thought was that someone should have gone to the new office to check on the progress of the workstation setup, and ensure that the place is ready for the movers and items, with designated areas labelled for ease and convenience.

He grabbed a few large black garbage bags from the storage cabinet, and I asked he had to bring garbage bags to office. The reply was that the item was missed out from the exercise checklist. Duh! of course they have to be made available. Anyone would have anticipated that there would be items to discard, even if they were just papers.

Perhaps it would have been a relatively easier task for one who has done such massive exercise and coordination. Perhaps the person-in-charge had not had the experience, hence overlooked all these smaller details. I guess this is what many mean by being having the actual experience and theoretical knowledge. In theory, the rest of items or factors are status quo while in real situation, there are many variables, and many contributing elements that could affect the plan and flow. Assumptions do not work. One cannot assume that the contractors would finsih the setup by the deadline set. One also cannot assume that everything would be packed into the boxes and be moved to the new place.

What's amazing of all was that only 20 percent of the entire workforce came in on Saturday to help and ensure the exercise was completed. So where is the team spirit? Where has the sense of resposnbility and ownership gone to? I didn't realise that the company belongs only to 20 percent of staffs.

Hold On Not....

2009-02-20T16:16:00.005+08:00

February 22

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five.Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them?

Mommy,looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them,I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbour and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.

On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace. Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up.She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed.The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, Do you love me? "Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you." Then give me your pearls. "Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite."That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her, Jenny's daddy asked again, Do you love me?" Daddy, you know I love you."Then give me your pearls." Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace.With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, daddy, this is for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.

So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures. Isn't God good? Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of? Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

That's what we do sometimes, holding on to things that we deem precious. What are these compared to the treasures God has in stored for us in heaven?

Handbook?

2009-02-20T16:10:00.003+08:00

February 20

A friend forwarded me a mail, which read life handbook 2009. I read, and have decided to have it placed as an entry because there ware so much truth in every line, every tip. Why then practise just in 2009? If the tips are beneficial and good, then they should be adopted every year, for many more great ones to come.

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time for prayer.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did the year before.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realise that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!
33. Always speak the truth even if it leads to your death.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

May you find these as great reminders as I did.

St Valentine's Day

2009-02-20T16:06:00.005+08:00

February 14

They called it a day of love :) a day of celebration in rememberance of martyred saints in ancient Rome. It is known as Feast of St Valentine, to remember the noble men revered by men, and whose acts known only to God. Along the way, it also became a day for lovers to express their adoration and love for one another, and in modern days has been overrated and commercialised.

Adrian was to return from his overseas project the same night, with his flight to touch down approximately 10.30pm. I wanted to surprise him with something he would need - a mobile phone - since his unit konked out and he was using my old Nokia.

I was in One Utama close to lunch time, and to my surprise, there were plenty of parking. After I got the SE phone, I was strolling around. Not many people but there were couples. Most of the ladies had a stalk of rose in their hands, with the other in the clutch of their other halves. As I was watching each couple, I felt a strange flow of sadness for them. I certainly hold no grudge against any couple or the day being a lovers' day. But is this day the only day to express one's love for another? If it is, then it is sad that expressing love and cherish has become an annual act. I guess in a way in making the purchase of the mobile phone, I too was no different from these couples caught up with the overrated celebration. I don't know about others. Adrian and I have the common understanding that we do not waste our money pampering each other just because it was Valentine's Day. Instead we agreed that we only buy a big gift once a year. You see, Valentine's Day, our birthdays and wedding anniversary are very close to each other. So instead of getting three different things, we each get the other one decent, useful and practical item. I guess we feel that the money spent would be a little more justifiable. Three occassion are probably good reasons to get something good and nice.

Topping that is probably our agreement that we don't do extravagent dinners that cost like RM200 / person on any of these days, especially Valentine's Day. Strictly no fresh bouquets, or teddy bears. We would just go to our favourite restaurants and have our favourite dishes on each other's birthdays. The bills, if possible, are to be less than RM100 for two. To us, we just want to have a good time, with good food in the company of each other. Perhaps some may say that we are overpractical, and least romantic and seem to have lost some excitement and surprise. Contrary to that, we actually have not :). To us, romance is just not about how much we spend, or how romantic dinners have been. It is how much sensitivity and attention given to the other in small ways, in the little things that we say and do daily.

I don't know about other ladies but I would rather have Adrian thinking of me when he passes a pastry stall, and buys me a nice piece of pastry that I'd like, or buys me a bottle of imported beer that I have not tried, or replenishes the supply of cammomile tea that I enjoy, or gets me a copy of my favourite comic, Baby Blues. Now that's Valentine's Day for me, every other day!

Quiet Start

2009-02-04T07:48:00.009+08:00

January 29

I began work in office whilst Adrian was still on leave to finish up the painting job. The wet afternoons do not make it easy for the paint to dry.

Traffic in the morning whilst I was travelling to work was,needless to say, real smooth. If only it was so everyday. It was real bliss in office as it was less than 20% of the total workforce were present and I enjoyed the quiet and peace.

As years passed, I enjoy peace and quiet more and this is no exception for the environment at work. In reality, there's hardly any peace and quiet in office, especially in one that adopts the open concept. This is extremely challenging for a melancholic person as me. Since I am not at the level that I am entitled to have my own room in office, I usually stuff my ears with the earphones, even though I have no songs / music playing on my WMP. If I did, it'd be the six balinese tracks from album Bali Midori that I find soothing to my ears and mind. Sound of birds chirping, water running, and the alluring, celestial soothing scores of bamboo flute accompanied by soft rhythmic beats of the gong, and string instruments. These six tracks would be on repeat mode until I am done at work.

Dance and Crackers

2009-02-04T07:45:00.006+08:00

January 27

Adrian continued with the rest of the walls and beams whilst I painted the other side of our gate and the grill of main entrance. After lunch when we resumed our task, we heard drumbeats and clanging cymbals. Lion dance performance at one of the houses further down the road. Needless to say, the performance would not be complete without the crackling of firecrackers. The dance ended as there was silence. Just as we thought we'd have some peace, the whole routine started again, and this time two houses away from the one earlier, and there was a third. It was more than 30 minutes when silence returned for good.

We stay in a quiet neighbourhood, and after a while, we (at least for me) grew to appreciate the peacefulness, and though sometimes could do with some liveliness, such loud chords could be, let's just say, a test to one's patience and tolerance. The again, it was CNY, and there were reasons for such boisterousness. What is CNY without lion dance and firecrackers?

Turning to Olive

2009-02-04T07:42:00.005+08:00

January 26

I woke my hubby up for a quick breakfast. First day of CNY and we were to do what most (almost all actually) Chinese would think as taboo - painting! Out came the paint pan, brushes and rollers. We decided to go with olive green for outer walls of our house. Our rationale was simple, it'd help to camouflage the mildew that kept growing on them :)

We started work, and soon were getting the healthy morning sun in our face. The rays turned scorching hot when it was close to noon. Out came the straw hat and face towel. Whilst I was painting one side of the gate, an ice-cream seller came by and Adrian, being Adrian had to have ice cream. He hailed the ice-cream seller, and stood next to him like a school kid waiting for the two cones he ordered. "Tahun Baru you cat rumah ah?". Even the ice cream seller could not believe his eyes and just had to ask. "Kami tak pantang," was my reply.

By the time I finished one side of the gate, I got a wonderful tan :P and my husband had turned lobster red, so totally burnt. We moved to paint the parts of walls that were under shade. During the whole painting process, Adrian and I debated on the direction the rollers should go, and how the sides and corners should be done. Adrian being Adrian again just left the parts that needed more precise and careful strokes to his naggy wife. That was what he termed as preserving marital harmony :D and I agreed.

Familial Ties

2009-02-04T07:39:00.006+08:00

January 25

This year we had a simple Chinese new Year reunion dinner with tai yee and family as she was not up to travelling back to Taiping to join the rest of family since she started on chemotherapy for breast cancer. Her next and third treatment was scheduled for the ninth day of Chinese New Year, and she would have another three more to go.

Adrian and I drove over with the three dishes I prepared. She insisted on preparing the soup and stewed mushrooms. We had a quiet dinner, during which she thanked us for spending the time with her and family, and for supporting her in various ways. We assured her that we would try out best to be as supportive as we could in any possible ways.

Privately as I ate my dinner, I replayed the words of my grandma who told me that my tai yee, when she was single and staying with my grandparents, had took care of me when I was a baby. Each morning she made sure diapers were laundered before she went to work. She helped to feed and care for me.

She took care of me when I first came to KL to work after my sixth form before I went on to pursue my tertiary studies. She took care of me when I was recuperating in her home from a surgery more than three years ago. She is more than an aunt. She is half mum to me. Her fight against breast cancer gave me heartache although I never expressed it much, well, perhaps my exasperation when she made excuses not to undergo the chemotherapy treatments.

But what made it worse is the fact that I am unable to prevent anxiety and depression spells that would ravage her mind, and the fear in her heart. I am unable to give her much in return for her generosity and kindness over the years except words, visits and buying her meal replacement supplies. Hard and mixed feelings that are difficult to be described; helplessness, exasperation, anger as to why she, with little education she received, having slogged her whole life for her family and children is inflicted with such dreaded disease. Yes, her golden years may have been prolonged thanks to early detection and treatments, but she should be enjoying herself, doing the things that she likes, spending time with her husband and friends.

Nowadays most of us are so caught up with our busy lifestyle and daily routines that most of us (or maybe it is just me) take family for granted. It only when we are about to loose them (or one of them) that we become more conscious how distance the relationships are, and we have taken for granted that they would always be with us.

Life is short, and everyday with family should be like the CNY reunion dinner, a time to come together for quality fellowship. It is heartwarming to see some families so closely knitted and spend every weekend together in some family activities. Some of us do not have the opportunity to have such closeness and warm relationships but that should not stop us from seeking and building one for ourselves, with future generations. It has to start somewhere.

Skin Off

2009-02-04T07:33:00.006+08:00

January 24

We decided to give the exterior walls of our house a new coat of paint, and had decided to do the painting on the two days of CNY since we were hardly able to take long leave together to do something like that. We got the paints the weekend before, and decided to clean the mildew on the exterior walls, allowing time to dry before we paint them.

Adrian got himself up on the top of our house porch to clean off the mildew on the front outer upper walls of our two-storey house. After about an hour of cleaning, having moved in and out through our bedroom window few rounds, he was about done when the most unfortunate thing happened. The translucent PVC roofing sheet could hot hold the weight placed on the balancing foot and broke through. His right leg went down, up to his crotch.

I was in the kitchen preparing for our CNY dinner (we were having a reunion dinner with Dad a day earlier since we had planned to have a reunion dinner the next day with my tai yee and family at her place) when he came hobbling in. I thought he wanted to ask me something when he showed the bad scrap he got from his fall. Over four inches of skin on his shin was scrapped off, and there was a 's' shaped, couple of mm broad cut on his thigh.

My first reaction was to wash off the dirts on the raw wounds, and my poor hero grimaced in pain as the water ran down his leg. I felt my own face contorted as I felt a sharpness in my heart. I could not bear to see him in pain. Having seated him on the dining chair, I got our first aid kit. As I tore open a pack of alcohol swab, I told him it would hurt bad. I ran it gently over a smaller wound so that he was able to feel, and brace for the pain intensity. It ended up with him cleaning the wounds himself as it was easier for him to take his time to build his tolerance for pain. The next half hour was a session of flowery words as he cursed his pain away.

When his wounds were dressed, he continued with the cleaning downstairs with the electrical water jet. When I was done in the kitchen and had set the soup boiling on the stove, I joined him at the front of our house and took over the cleaning.

When we were done, I looked up the part of the PVC roofing sheet that Adrian broke through, and realised the cuts he got could have been far worse judging from the sharp edges of the hole. Indeed God is kind and we thank God that it was just skin that got scrapped off.

Filling Your Jar

2009-01-30T15:56:00.004+08:00

January 15

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions - and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life."

''If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse or partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal."

"Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked. The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend."

Lure of the Fist

2009-01-30T15:47:00.007+08:00

January 10

Being a great fan of chinese martial art, I have watched old martial art movies by Jet Li many times over, and follow movies starring Donnie Yen. Only these movies are able to make me step into the cinema, and the last I was in cinema was for the movie Fearless (Fok Yun Kap) by Jet Li, on the life of the kung-fu master who taught at the famously known, Cheng Mo-Mun. That was more than two years ago.

When the trailer of the much-talked-and-reviewed-about movie Ip Man was available, and billboard posters started mushrooming in the Klang Valley, I was still unsure if I would catch the movie on screen. I read reviews on the movie, which came with high ratings and recommendations to watch. Adrian, being a real movie buff, talked about it earlier and I asked if he would like to catch it in cinema. Afraid of the coldness in the cinema, I asked which was the least cold - in KLCC, Pavillion or 1 Utama Shopping Centre. GSC 1 Utama was his recommendation.

We made reservations for two seats and I was all set, with my long denim jeans, and two extra jackets - one denim and one wool. The movie was to start at 12.20pm, and it was almost 12.50pm when the movie actually begun. Within the good whole 30 minutes of waiting and commercials I was getting cold, and I already had my denim jacket on. i covered my front and hid my hands under the wool jacket.

Ip Man was an engaging movie with few real good scenes in slo-mo, though I noticed some abruptness and missing links between few other scenes. When it ended, I glanced at my watch at and it was ten past two in the afternoon. I thought it was rather short for a martial art movie. Definitely some missing scenes.

Adrian asked what I thought of the movie since it was his second time watching it. He had caught it after work three days back. I had expected it to be more impressive given all the reviews I read. I thought the last fight scene with General Miura was too short, and angles were a little disappointing. They could have been a lot better. I also thought the ending could have been been done differently, unless the producer plan to have sequels later (that would be good for business).

Indeed there were missing scenes - four to be exact, as I discovered when I watched Ip Man all over again on DVD. Overall, casting was good. Simon Yum, versatile and talented actor, played his supporting role very well. Donnie Yen, who portrayed Ip Man, gave the late Wing Chun grandmaster his due, in character, and fighting style and prowness. That, I thought was admirable. I must admit, one does feel quite motivated to learn Wing Chun martial art after watching the movie. Well done, Donnie!

2008 Bows Out, Hello 2009

2008-12-31T07:52:00.031+08:00

December 31

Fireworks at KLCC, from the apartment on Old Klang Road

The end of 2008 was dawning as we gathered for a pot bless at Calvin's apartment on Old Klang Road. Whilst he provided the drinks, the rest of us brought food, tidbits and boozes, of course! It was also an informal apartment warming for him since he moved in not too long ago.

We dugged into our mini feast of stir-fried roast pork, crispy fried anchovies which went well with beer, tuna spaghetti, shrimp nuggets, beef meatballs, egg sandwiches and coleslaw. When our stomachs were filled, out came all the other snacks - candies from Macau, chocolates and juicy strawberries (if we had cooked those Hershey's dark chocolates, we'd have strawberry dip...now why didn't we think of that?).

Fragrant glutinous cake, ginger candy with coconut, Hershey's dark chocolates; fresh strawberries

Coleslaw, egg sandwiches, shrimp nuggets, tuna spaghetti, beef meatballs

Crispy fried anchovies, stir-fried roast pork

To kill time, we had few rounds of charade using Pictionary cards, and since we were all playing, none of those hilarious and silly mimings were captured. Perhaps all that seemed silly, as we laughed our heads off, with us intoxicating ourselves with tequila sunrise and French rose wine. With all the energy spent miming, laughing and guessing, we stopped when we heard fireworks going off. We cramped ourselves together watching the symphony of colourful fireworks blasted into the black sky for a good half-an-hour.

Chivas on the rocks

2009 was ushered in with the first round of Chivas on the rocks as soon as the fireworks ended. We had another two rounds of that as we spent the early hours of morning chattering about everything under the sky. It was half past three in the morning when the last few of us left the apartment. What a boring way of celebrating new year, some might say. Well, we had our version of fun. Each to his own, and that was all that mattered.

Two-in-One

2008-12-31T07:49:00.013+08:00

December 20

A simple pre-Christmas and Winter Solstice festival gathering with cousins took place at our humble abode. There were no roast turkey, or baked potatoes. Not even a celebration cake. Neither were there steamed chicken and stir-fried mixed vegetables. Instead, I whipped out three simple east-meets-west style dishes - chinese turnip and orange salad in apple cider, honey and mint dressing, honey mustard chicken, and tomato-based minced pork macaroni.

Dessert was tong yuen, round glutinous rice balls in hot, light syrup. The partaking of these soft, chewy rice balls symbolises family unity, and prosperity for the following year. I remember my younger years spent with my grandparents, and I helped roll the kneaded dough in small balls. They were left overnight to harden so they were more chewy and not easily dissolved when boiled and cooked in syrup. Perhaps next year I would attempt to make some with red bean paste or gula melaka filling, or savoury ones with peanut filling.

Homemade white and yellow plain glutinous rice balls

The gathering was more for fellowship and sharing as we came close to the end of 2008. Later into the night, three bottles of wines, including a Brown Brothers late harvest laid on the garden table. We stayed up late chatting away in the porch, with both our neighbours putting up with our loud chatters and laughters in the stillness of the night, which drowned even the chirpings of the crickets in the park across our abode. Boring as it might have seemed, nothing beats bonding of such.

Of Love, Alcohol and Food

2008-12-31T07:47:00.047+08:00

The Wedding

December 6

Down the street, car honks blared. The entourage has returned with the bride. Down the car came James and Mark, who experienced the Malaysian chinese wedding for the first time. James was holding the gift basket, and Mark was clucthing on to a bright red umbrella. It was a priceless sight :P

Howie, Anthony's younger brother was both the driver and the one that opened the car door for the couple as the rest of the family members lined both sides of the porch cheering them on, and clicking away on digital cameras.

Paying respect to the deities and ancestors was the first thing the couple did after they entered the house. My grandma, the matriach did the same, and prayed for blessings for the newly weds. After serving tea to the ancestors, the couple served tea to the rest of the family members according to their rankings in the family hierarchy, beginning with grandma, followed by khaw foo and khum mou, Anthony's parents. from them, Mei Yee (Yuki) received jewellery and ang pows (red packets) as gifts. The rest of aunts, uncles and cousins gave ang pows. Tea ceremony, a must in a chinese wedding, signifies the acceptance and the welcoming of a new member into the family, and to inform all members of the new addition, giving due recognition and status to the bride and/ groom.

Grandma in prayers

Words of wisdom from the matriach

Gifts from parents-in-law

Family portraits

When the tea ceremony was over, the couple proceeded to their room. Anthony carried Mei Yee into the room. Mei Yee's nephews were brought into the room, and they started jumping on the couple's new bed. The older of the two nephews broke the seal covering the new red potty, filled with gold packets and oranges for auspice. Both acts symbolise blessings of offsprings for the couple The potty was an item in the set of bright red bath items for the couple.

I will carry you for life, even when my bones become rickety...

Mei Yee's nephews jumping on the couple's new bed

Breaking the seal

The session ended with Anthony removing the veil from Mei Yee's head, an act symbolic of eternal union, and she removed his jacket.

Gently removing the pins before removing the veil

The whole afternoon thereafter was a light and easy session for the rest of the family members, feasting on good food, endless supply of alcohol, and tonnes of sinful chocolates brought back from Australia by cousin, Maggie who touched down in KLIA international airport half past five in the morning, and came straight for the auspicious occassion.

yay, the beer girls :P

The Luncheon Reception@ Renaissance Malacca

December 7

Preping up the senior Mooi with a corsage

Nicholas wearing the hand corsage on his co-emcee, Peggy

Guests getting registered and checking their sittings

Mr and Mrs Anthony Mooi getting ready to enter the ballroom

Popped the champage and getting the glasses filled for the big toast

Nicholas and Lulu started the dance floor with a short waltz

More portraits for the album

The cousins, all cheers and noisy!

Maggie and Kenny, Lulu and Peggy, Maggie and me

Mark, Nicholas and James; Kenix, Mark, Nicholas and James; Mark gotcha'!

Law Tiah

2008-12-17T08:32:00.028+08:00

December 5

It began on Friday the moment we got ready to pick my tai yee and yee cheong from their home in Ulu Kelang and head down to my khaw foo's house in Seri Kembangan. My mum, grandma and other aunts, uncles and cousins were already there, having arrived from Taiping, Singapore, and Australia. My sister, Wendee and hubby, Kenny were to arrive later in the evening from Penang. My other cousin, Maggie to return from a working trip in Brisbane early saturday morning, whilst her brother Nicholas and wife, Lulu were due to touch down in KLIA from Tokyo in the evening the same day. Only my two other yee cheongs and two cousins, Frances and Geraldine were unable to make it for this auspicious family affair.The entire family had locked the dates a year ago when cousin Anthony announced his wedding plans with Yuki.

Since the dishes for the pre-wedding dinner were catered for, we did not have to prepare much for food. Instead, the few of us helped out by putting up the chillie red cloth at the front of the house, above the main entrance. The tables and chairs were laid out and lined with red table cloths. Four coolers were prepared - one filled with cans of beer, another with bottles of mineral water, one with packet drinks and one with plain ice cubes.

Three additional items were ordered to complement the other catered buffet items. Famous grilled otak otak in coconut leaves, crispy curry puffs and chewy kau chi (minced meat and shrimps with shredded mushrooms and chinese turnips wrapped in the semi-translucent sticky glutinous rice sheets. A whole roast pig was ordered and it was a gala!

Siew yuk (roast pork) and siew pau (baked buns with pork)

Bread pudding

Anthony's parents, my khaw foo and khum mou prepared the new bed with my grandma uttering well wishes as they went about dressing it with new bedsheets. A plate with mixture of lin chi (lotus seeds), hung zhou (red dates), and pak hup (lily buds) accompanied by a pair of oranges, a pair of calamansi, two ang pows (red packets) and peen pak (fir leaves) for good fortune and more offsprings for the new couple.

Tong yuen (glutinous rice balls) were being prepared for the midnight ceremonial ritual for the groom.

It was almost midnight. We called it a day, in preparation for the bigger day the next; the entourage would leave six in the morning to Bentong to pick the bride, and serve tea to the bride's elders before returning to Seri Kembangan before 11am. Day one was over.

Which One Is You?

2008-11-21T08:16:00.012+08:00

November 19

Jo said she sensed that the love of her life would be proposing to her soon. I teased her about the size of the shiny rock that would be worn on her beautiful long slender finger. My guess was one carat. Not too long ago, another friend shared that her beloved proposed and she had accepted, whilst another expressed his intention to ask his sweet girlfriend for her hand in marriage. Earlier today, I received a text message - an invitation to a wedding next month. My cousin, Anthony's wedding is scheduled for early December too.

Love is certainly in the air and that gives beautiful thoughts, and reminds me of my own share of matrimonial joy. Looking at these excited couples, it brings thoughts to how wonderfully God brings together two beautiful people in a special relationship, in which they discover lifetime love. Interestingly, one often falls in love with another of opposite personalities, subconsciously selecting someone whosed strengths make up for one's weaknesses.This natural process, intended since the time of Adam and Eve, fits two souls together to become one.

Extroverts are attracted to introverts, optimists pick pessimists, fun-loving outgoing souls go for the quiet deep-thinking ones. These patterned after models of human behaviours, giving birth to the concept of Four Basic Temperaments (with 16 variants) - Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic and Phlegmatic - which helps in examining one self, and accepting others. In Gary Smalley's version, these four Greek-termed personalities are represented by four animals - The Otter, The Lion, The Beaver and The Golden Retriever. Biblically, they are Peter, Paul, Moses and Abraham.

My first exposure to the four basic temperaments was from the book, Spirit-Controlled Temperaments by Tim LaHaye, and subsequently, The Act of Marriage by same author and his wife, Beverly LaHaye. That was over 10 years ago. The two were written in the Christian context. My other book, Personality Plus was by Florence and Marita Littauer, which a friend borrowed and was never returned. Perhaps she found it a good read, and tool.

Expressive, a Sanguine likes fun and people, loves to talk, needs attention, good at socialising and entertaining, easily excited, enthusiastic, charming yet unorganised, undisciplined, with little or no follow-through, fickle and forgetful, needs to be in the centre of attention, and never grow up.

A born leader, the Choleric is a dominant character, assertive, impulsive, loves to work, likes actions and progress, likes to motivate others but possesses minimal tolerance for incompetencies, dominates and manipulates people, hardly apologises even though is in the wrong, dislikes losing control and easily bored by trivia.

A Phlegmatic is solid but laid-back, loves peace and harmony, tries to please everyone and a born follower. This personality procrastinates and avoids responsibilities as a result of trying to please everyone, has little self-motivation, dislikes conflicts and is selfish.

Sensitive, quiet and analytical, a Melancholic likes solitude and silence, has high standards for everyone, analyses and plans thoroughly before executing any projects. This pessimistic and moody personality gets depressed over imperfection, introverted with little need for sociability, and holds back affection.

Discovering personality type can be an exciting and enlightening experience, and enables each person to develop a better understanding and acceptance of the different personalisties and characters. especially in the case of love relationships and marriage, making communication and relationships become more meaningful, fulfilling and complete. Two individuals indeed become one, as they understand and complement each other; filling each other's empty spaces. Enjoy discovering your own and of others! :)

God could have made us all Sanguines.

We could have lots of fun but accomplish little.

He could have made us all Melancholies.

We would have been organized and charted but not very cheerful.

He could have made us all Cholerics.

We would have been set to lead, but impatient that no one would follow!

He could have made us all Phlegmatics.

We would have had a peaceful world but not much enthusiasm for life.

We need each temperament for the total function of the body.

Each part should do its work to unify the action and produce harmonious
results.

-Florence Littauer in The Gift of Encouraging Words

http://www.personalitytype.com/

http://www.smalleyonline.com/

http://www.ylcf.org/you/personality.htm

https://timlahaye.com/shopdisplayproducts.asp?id=22&cat=TEMPERAMENT

Love is Blind

2008-11-20T08:21:00.008+08:00

November 17

They say it is blind. Perhaps it is to some, and not to the rest. One Friday evening, somewhat mid last year, a close personal friend, Gabriel gave me a call. He popped over to the house and we had dinner. Way after dinner, he took out his mobile and turned it on. Puzzled, I asked him why his mobile was turned off. Since he was into personal financial services and real estate, it seemed queer as calls from clients or potential ones might come in. Battery was low and he did not have the charger with him. I did not pursue further.

A while later, his phone kept beeping. Incoming messages. Calls came but he refused to answer. With an inkling of what was going on, I asked if his girlfriend for a year-and-a-half, was the caller, and I hit it right home. Upon asking what was wrong, he shared his story. They have been in frequent arguments, on a weekly basis and things had gotten violent. At first, she threw things around. Then she began taking knives and blades slicing and cutting things that she could lay hands on, including personal computers, clothes and bed. He then showed me a picture taken on his mobile. A bad cut on his index finger with oozing blood, a result of him trying to grab the instrument from her. Earlier that evening, he was in an argument with her, and he needed to get away, so he spent a night over.

This year sometime in May, in one of her anger fits over some trivial matter, she threw his handheld on the floor, and the LCD screen cracked. The device kaputed. She started hitting him with a clothe hanger, and crumpled all his clean, well-ironed shirts, and wiped her tears and snots. Gabriel's siblings came to know, and like me, they advised him to walk out of the relationship, and make it clear with her and her family. Later, we discovered he did not, even though he had earlier agreed to do so.

Lately, I had MSN conversations with him and asked how things were with him. He volunteered the information that she was undergoing counselling sessions in St. Ignatius church. Asked if they got back together, and yes was the answer. I sighed with heaviness in my heart. Having met his girlfriend much earlier over few dinners, not only I was unable to see what he saw in her, she striked me as a spoilt scatterbrain, free loader with a ego that rocketed sky high who happened to think and treat her own boyfriend, my friend like a dog and belittled him in front of his own friends. It was disturbing and heartbreaking to see a friend treated as such.

I have lost count of the times that I advised him to let the relationship go based on facts gathered from him confiding in me. As a friend, I would believe I had done all within my means to help him through bad times, including monetary assistance. Over time, I am exhausted as my words fell on deaf ears, disappointed at his lack of courage, saddened by the erosion of self-dignity. In all these, perhaps no one is as gravely disappointed and heartbroken as his dad, had he knew.

Recently, Gabriel asked if I had a spare car that he could loan for the weekend. He was to go on a family trip with his dad and siblings to Cameron Highlands. His girlfriend's car was in a workshop, and she needed his car to drive down to Malacca to replace another trainer for a beauty workshop. The truth was she made that up. She was not invited for the family trip and she purportedly put him in a spot to choose; her or his family. I was speechless at the extent of her childishness. My call and text to him the night before the trip, asking if he still needed my car, went unanswered and unresponded.

A Buddhist believer might say that he perhaps had wronged her in his previous life, and in this, he is paying for his transgressions. That aside, is love really that blind? I find myself at lost wondering. By horoscope, I am a dreamer and an idealist. As much as I believe in true and unconditional love, I however, do not believe in loving blindly, moreso when it involves physical and psychological violence and abuse. Maybe I am not such an idealist after all, or I have yet to experience the transformational power of love. So tell me, is love also blind to a lifetime of emotional and mental slavery?

Language Bananas

2008-11-13T07:19:00.007+08:00

November 11

Rizwan came up and asked how he could get a letter in English translated to Bahasa Malaysia and whom he should enlist the help from. I looked up and asked what kind of letter it would be. "It's a cover letter for a proposal," came the reply. "We have not had such request before. Why don't you email over and let me see if I would be able to help you," I suggested.

The file came and I opened. Hmmm, three pages long and quite a bit of IT terms and jargons. Unfortunately after running a search over the Internet, I was unable to find a free electronic online version of Kamus Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka for English to Bahasa Malaysia translations. I did however find a number of online translator for English to Bahasa Indonesia. As our national language is a little different from the Indonesian Malay language, I was unable to use those free softwares. As I did not want to waste more time on searches, I proceeded to attempt the best I could.

Minus the letters to government ministries and agencies that I had done in my previous jobs, and which were a lot easier and straight-forward, my last use of Bahasa in full fledge was in university ten years ago.So after two hours, I had a draft in Bahasa with two words italicised because I could not find a Bahasa version for them - online and login. Is login called 'daftar masuk'?

No doubt some words were borrowed from English although some actually have the Bahasa version such as modul (module), praktikal (practical), pedagogi (pedagogy), akses (access), informasi (information), implementasi (implementation), adaptasi (adaptation), diskusi (discussion), korridor (corridoor), klik (click) and emel (email). As far as I can remember, some actually have the Bahasa version like maklumat (information) and perbincangan (discussion). If they are in existence, why borrow? Are these coined for and confined within the IT industry and IT communications?

Some, of course were direct translations like layari (surf), jalur lebar (broadband), tetikus (mouse), muat turun (download), meja bantuan (helpdesk), whilst some other have the same spellings but bakunised pronunciations like digital, global, multimedia. These are very common words, used daily in verbal and written communications.

Perhaps that what it means when a language evolves and mature. Coining and creating new terms and words when the need arises, for the sophistication and maturity of the language, especially in this age where things, trends, solutions, ideas are constantly invented and re-invented. Change is inevitable and I guess sometimes changing an original word / term to one that sounds more globalised is not always a bad thing. The other question is however, would such thing kill the language? Would students get confused and get the spellings mixed up? The words got murdered?

Well, at the end of my attempt, I made a mental note to buy and read a Bahasa paper weekly to keep my grasp of the language intact. I was glad that I still managed to translate a letter rather well. Thanks to the extra lessons in the language during my high school years.

On a personal note, I wished I was sent to a chinese medium school. I would have had knowledge of an additional language which would have been an advantage to my work. I am what the chinese-educated referred to as banana person (yellow on the outside, off white on the inside). This is the term for chinese that cannot read, write or speak chinese language and dialects. Chinese but not chinese.

I have no problem conversing in some chinese dialects - Cantonese, Senning, Hokkien, Hakka although less in the latter two. I could manage simple conversations with the extremely limited Mandarin that I know, only read numeric one to ten, some simple words, and write my own name. I am not a parent yet, but when the time comes, I would certainly hope my hubby and I would be able to expose our kids to as many languages and dialects as possible.

Perhaps it is still not too late to learn, though Mandarin does require more practices for both writing and reading. The question I have for myself is whether I am interested and disciplined enough to take up this challenge to become a less-banana person.

We Have A Boy

2008-11-05T21:14:00.007+08:00

October 4

A letter came. Printed child-drawn trees and sun decorated the front and the stamp mark dated October 18. The country name printed on the two pieces of 10,000 rupiah stamps was Indonesia. "We have an Indonesian kid," I said to Adrian. It was an introductory letter.

Signed up with World Vision couple of months back to sponsor a child in the region of SEA, Adrian chose not to specify the gender or country of the child to sponsor, merely where needed most. From the letter, we knew it was a boy whose name is Teguh Sabarna and he loves to play with marbles and wishes to serve the nation and country well when he grows up.

The main section with pre-printed lines was where Teguh penned his words. Rounded, child's writing with few alphabets crossing down below the lines, it was quite a joy to see him introducing himself to us. Of course, Indonesian language is quite different from our Bahasa Melayu, with few words that were foreign to us. One of such was marble. We called it guli. The Indonesian word for it was kelereng.

Right below where he signed off, there was a short translation in English, and the name of the translator was also included.

We are encouraged to correspond with him but not allowed to send him gifts. This is to avoid and prevent jealousy among the other children that he is staying with. I wanted to send him a teddy bear, and perhaps a set of clothing since Christmas is end of next month. Sigh.

I have friends who are also sponsoring children in other countries, and they were able to send them gifts like colour crayons. Hmm, perhaps I should make a check with Ted, my brother-in-law. I am sure there is a way to make this boy happy :)

You might wonder what is this about. It is about doing the little that we can to make life better for those in need. So what is World Vision? World Vision is a Christian relief, development and advocacy non-profit organisation that is dedicated in working with poverty-strickened children, families and communities in poor countries with aim and hope to help them build a better future and a sustainable life.

We might not be able to volunteer to be personally hands on for such noble cause due to personal commitments and reasons, but there are other ways that we are able to contribute to make life a little better. RM50 a month for a child from each sponsor from all over the world, and the sponsorship is pooled together to enable these far less fortunate children have better sanitation and health care, better food, clothes to cover their bodies and education. Such sponsorships are not tax deductible, hence not exploited by those simply seeking tax exemptions.

http://www.worldvision.com.my/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1

Only the poor are unable to give because they do not have enough to feed themselves. One must be really poor to find himself unable to give!

Printed drawing on the back of the two-fold letter (like an aerogramme). Titled Gembira pergi ke pesta, it was drawn by a four-year old girl, Tallisa Puspita Sari from Sanggar.

Did I Meet the Mark

2008-11-03T07:34:00.006+08:00

November 2

I was looking through the set of job appraisal forms and did a quick assessment of myself. The self-assessment process would be followed by a sit-in one-to-one session with my boss. I made mental notes of why I rated myself the way I did and decided to have them written as I submit the set in next week.

How do we see ourselves in our efforts and contributions to the companies we work for? How do we rate our work performance? Up to par? Below expectation? Effective,or commendable or better still excellent? These are the common ratings of performance. Generally, mid year and year end are the two timelines for such exercises. Some working individuals would shiver at the thought of appraisal, some would get anxious and bracing for the worst they could think of, some could not even be bothered, some take it as it comes, some look forward to it as a form of check and balance, and some get excited because it's time to negotiate for increment and bonus (for those whose companies do not include contractual bonus into their salary package).

Some are extremely fortunate to work for companies that take the extra and conscientious efforts to ensure that employees' welfare are taken care of, including:

Revising salary package as and when needed to ensure that employees are paid at market rates;

Ex-gratia (for companies that are able to reward their employees thanks to high revenues and nett profits);

Providing higher rate for EPF contribution and retirement benefit;

Revising rates for mileage claims and travelling allowance;

Higher number of annual leave;

Replacement leave for public holidays that fall on saturdays;

Medical coverage (out-patient treatments) for immediate family members without maximum cap, and a fixed maximum amount for surgical procedures & hospitalisation determined by salary grade;

Life and personal accident insurance;

Dental and eye care;

Transportation for staffs working on shifts, and finishing late at night;

Subsidised handphone allowance for employees who are required to use it out of office;

Subsidised parking in premises with independent car park operators;

Safety of vehicles in car park, especially if company owns the premise, or part of the premise;

Subsidised food and drinks in office cafeteria, or beverages (including soft drinks and energy drinks) and light snacks (eg biscuits & cookies) in office. This is extremely considerate and kind of employers as recent rise in cost of living has taken its toll on the mid and lower income groups);

Annual dinners and trips;

Tokens for zero medical leave on quarterly basis;

Payback for unutilised leave due to work commitments (especially for employees whose scope of work and responsibilities do not enable him / her to utilise all entitled leave; whose annual entitlement exceeds 24 days, excluding the number of days carried forward from the year before!);
ESOS, by default for employees who has completed the first year of service (eg five units to be exercised within a stipulated time). Just to name a few (haha..)

These make up only one aspect of working, having caring employers and your welfare taken care of. Some of us are working for companies that have not been able to provide all these due to many reasons, including lower revenue stream. Do we tell our employers that since they are unable to provide all these benefits, therefore we call it quits? Which is more important? Good salary package and employee benefits? Good career paths? Good employers? Positive, warm and politics-free working environment? Good corporate culture? Team-work driven? KPIs driven? Is each more important than the others? Some may carry more weightage than others, depending on our personal work expectations and priorities.

The question is what are your expectation and priorities? These are up to each of us to define. How good and bad a working place is sometimes how internalised one is with the company setup and culture. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. There must be a sense a belonging, which some of us struggle with as we move about switching jobs and career at some points of our working life. What does it take for us to give our 100 percent commitment and dedication? We are afterall humans, of the flesh, and are susceptible to the ups and downs of life and surroundings, emotions and state of mind. Sometimes we get affected by some idiotic and insensitive people in office, sometimes we get a***holes that constantly make life hellish. Occasionally we get fickled-minded and ego-inflated individuals. Then can you give your 100 percent?

Well, for me, it's .....for you to find out :P and I am keeping my fingers crossed for my session of 'did i meet the mark'.

What's the Pink Cause

2008-10-31T09:08:00.003+08:00

October 29

A common question I receive by friends on my IM list, be it on YM, MSN or G-Talk as my status box in all these three has been promoting support for breast cancer awareness. A little more than month ago my aunt was diagnosed with stage one of breast cancer, had a mastectomy and an anxilliary surgery to remove glands from her armpit, and is now undergoing radiotherapy. It has been two weeks and she has three more weeks to go before six sessions of chemotherapy.

As she waited for the results of the biopsy earlier, there was deep fear in her eyes and resignation on her face to accept the worst. She decided that her mum, my grandma was not to know about it. She chose to withheld the news from her son and daughter-in-law who are currently working in Japan. When the day came for the results, I called her. It was obvious over the phone that she had been crying. It was heart-wrenching to hear the devastation in her voice, yet she spoke words of assurance and strength. She would know what to do and how to manage and I was not to worry.

I asked around if anyone was to know what sort of diet she should be having to increase the chance of healing, as well as to lessen the side effects of chemotheraphy. My chiropractor's mum was kind enough to share the list of herbs and items that promote wellbeing while undergoing the treatments.
No family history of breast cancer in the family. No eating out. Every meal was homecooked. Good diet of moderate carbohydrates, proteins, and lots of fibres. No smoking, no alcohol, no late nights, moderate exercise with all the house chores (never had a maid and raised two kids) and walking to and from bus stands and train stations for work.

Many can say the dreaded disease chooses anyone it fancies but the good thing was that it was detected early and removed. The suspected culprit were late menopause and the hormone replacement pills which she had been consuming for the past seven years. Yes, women on HRT are at increased risk of getting breast cancer. This fact was not made known to her. The saddest part was her O&G failed to highlight that those pills were not to be consumed for more than five years.

Now, most important of all is healing through treatments, with faith that God will make her well. Changing to a less stressful lifestyle and take things slower. Eat less meat and take more dark-coloured vegetables and fruits. Staying strong and positive in mind, body and soul with the support of loved ones and friends. And sharing her story and helping to build the awareness of breast cancer prevention and cure.

Breast cancer affects one in every 19 women in Malaysia. Early detection increases the chances of cure. Don't take life for granted!

http://www.malaysiaoncology.org/article.php?aid=114

Who Packs Your Parachute?

2008-10-29T09:35:00.005+08:00

October 29

Charles Plumb was a US Navy jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience. Talk about turning the negative into the positive.

One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!" "How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb. "I packed your parachute," the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!" Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today."

Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb said after, "I kept wondering what he had looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat; a bib in the back; and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?' or anything because, you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor." Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent at a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn't know.

Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?" Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. He also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory - he needed his physical parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports before reaching safety.

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason. As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognise people who pack your parachutes and be grateful for them. If you are taking them for granted, stop now because as easily as they came into your life to make things easier for you, they can also slip away just as quietly.

" Your mind is like a parachute. It only works if it is open." - Anthony J. D'Angelo

Touching Lives

2008-10-16T19:43:00.005+08:00

October 16

I had the privilege to run though the results of two pilot ICT-Community Service projects in an update meeting which I was asked sit in. Slides, videos and pictures of undergraduates volunteered to train the IT deprived adults as well as underprivileged youths and to use personal computers and applications went up the screen.

One pilot took place in PJ in a community centre whilst the other in a home for the underprivileged in Semenyih. The former saw eight participants as young as seven and as advanced as 53 picking up the skills and knowledge. They were students, housewives, retirees and even hawkers. From zero literacy, they were able to browse the Internet, email to loved ones overseas, put up blogs and pictures, do PPT presentations and other basic applications.

The latter was children and youths in a home that worked toward raising funds through an Open Day, of which they used the applications to prepare proposal to obtain permission from the home administrator for the Open Day project, design and print invitation cards, flyers, send email invites, prepare presentation, and create a blog on the home itself.

In the midst of learning all these, the undergraduate trainers, who were trained and guided by a life coach specialised in NLP and lifelong learning, in both pilots helped developed in these lives another area often received the least focus - personal development. That was the second objective of the community initiative.

Not only these individuals built higher self-belief and confidence, faith and trust, teamwork, enhanced their creativity, and most of all, resourcefulness, the trainers themselves took back valuable lessons of perseverence, patience and putting others above themselves.

As I saw it, those had more deep rooting impact than applied IT. Yes, ICT helps to bridge many gaps and divides, across geographical vastness and value add to technical and applied skills needed in a working world. However, the intangible lessons and intrinsic values help character building, and character builds personality. That is what would bring these children and youths far in life, as persons.

Colours of Hope & Promise

2008-10-14T09:02:00.003+08:00

October 13

It was past six in the evening when i stepped out of my working area for a breather. I always like looking at the sky, and I looked up. Right there, one of the most beautiful phenomenons, unnoticed more often than not. Beginning with red and ending with purple, it splashed across the vast sky like stripes of colours on a painter's canvas.

There in awe, I was again reminded of God's promises and covenant that He made with mankind that He would never again flood the earth with water: "I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth... .. the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh." (Genesis 9:13,15)

Life and hope are gifts that are bestowed upon man. Life without hope is dead, and there can never be hope without life. Hope is a trust grounded in faith. It is the light at the end of the tunnel that gives strength and courage to persevere against fears, failures, struggles and challenges. It is the thread of optimism that preserves sanity and provides reason for pressing on and living. The pot of gold is indeed waiting at the end of the rainbow.

Do The Right Thing or Do It Right

2008-10-13T20:21:00.009+08:00

October 12

Siam 62, Nyonya Place or the Thai steamboat in Bandar Puteri Puchong were the three choices suggested for dinner and I was fine with any of them. Then, my significant half had a change of mind in like less than half a minute and quiped that he felt like having western food.Hmmm...I was not surprised as he has this odd ficklemindedness when it comes to anything but work. I flipped through some papers for places that we had not tried out and at the same time suggested this place called Memphis Bistro that we came across in the papers recently. Oh, that place with Elvis' music...he didn't bite. Sigh. "Have you tried MFM?", he asked. Nope, I have not, neither has he, so off we went to the MFM outlet in Centrepoint Bandar Utama.

We ordered our drinks, and a main each, both fish - a cod and a salmon - and the bill, let's just say, not quite worth the amount we spent, and not to mention a waiting time of above 15 minutes when we were the only table at that point of time. An hour later, we walked around Centre Point, to look see look see and to help get the food down. After an hour of browsing through fish shop, hardware store, DVD shop, some stalls with ceramic products from China, and Guardian pharmacy, we decided it was time to go home. On the way I told Adrian that my stomach felt funny, and his felt the same too. Wouldn't that be odd that both felt queasy in the stomach? Perhaps it was the oil, or sauce, we both thought.

My stomach was not quite forgiving, unlike Adrian's and all contents were emptied two hours after the meal. Even all the vitamins and supplement that I took were wasted. Though I hit the sack with an empty stomach, it was a real relief! Empty stomach was better than an upset one, anytime. I was contemplating of filing a complaint to the restaurant management, which happened to be a supportive client of my employer. Should I proceed to make a complaint for bad food served as we could have had food-poisoning, or should I forget about the whole incident and move on without jeorpardising the company's relationship with the client? It is a question of doing the right thing, or doing it right. I opted for the latter. Yes, I compromised and I hope it was the right thing to do. But unlikely MFM would see another visit from us.

Grilled Pacific Cod

Grilled King Salmon Fillet

Rendang and Muhibbah

2008-10-13T20:13:00.006+08:00

October 11

Our neighbour, Abang Ramlan and wife, Kak Latifah came over just as we were leaving the house for our brunch. "Come over for dinner tonight, we are having an open house for family and friends". Delightfully we agreed. We popped over at eight, just after Maghrib prayers with a hamper. No, we could not step into a party empty-handed. It was just outright rude. We bersalam with the hosts, and immediate family members including Kak Tifah's mum who personally prepared the beef rendang. I decided not to take any photographs although I brought my camera along.

We dugged into the simple spread on the table - beef rendang, nasi lemak with sambal kerang (cockles in chillie and oil) and sambal sotong (cuttlefish cooked in chillie and oil), nasi himpit (malay style of stuffed rice) with peanut sauce, cakes, fruits, teh O (plain tea) and orange cordial. Adrian had like four helpings to the rendang and nasi himpit, and I glared at him for being such a glutton, and sternly reminded him that there were other guests, mainly relatives and friends that had just arrived and had not had their share. Sigh, no brakes to that stomach of his.

It was such a long time since I attended an open house during Raya, and being there was a heartwarming reminder of the muhibbah spirit we all shared. There was no difference in skin colour, or religion, or culture. There were just friends having a good time and a hearty meal.

This localised scene was a starking contrast to the issue of racism that has been sweeping our nation way before the March 8 elections, and is still razing on, as well as the endless politicking and lobbying for posts and roles at the expense of justice and truth, was reflective of the immaturity of politicians. In all honesty, our ancestors were all immigrants. No race own this land. It was just a matter of which race came first. In our history books, we read of Parameswara, the Sumatran prince who fled Palembang and stumbled upon Malacca, which he named after the tree he napped under. That was the origin of the Malay Sultanate, that continued to be present in this land today.

I was born in the Taiping general hospital over three decades ago, and I shared an incubator with an Indian girl for an entire month as I was born prematured. There were Malay infants in the same room. Were we then still immigrants, having born in the same hospital, almost within the same time and date? By heritage I am a chinese, my upbringing was Malaysian and was educated in Malaysian schools, graduated from the first university established in the country, working in a homegrown company and contributing the the economy of Malaysia, and paying taxes to the Malaysia IRB. I might not have brought glory to this country in academics, sports, beauty pageants, or other fields. Does that make me less a Malaysian? Is it not that citizenship is granted when you are born in Malaysia, to Malaysian (chinese) parents and family? My MyKad and passport state my nationality as a Malaysian. Doesn't all these make me a worthy Malaysian?

After half a century of gaining independence, our country seemed to be regressing instead of moving forward. It is indeed a sad state that our country had landed itself in. Over the years, I began to look outward for job opportunities, with hope that it'd gain me a better life in a country that would recognise me as its citizen. How long does it take dear Malaysia to realise that there are many that love this country, and all the constant insinuation would only drive away its very own people that would proudly call themselves, Bangsa Malaysia?

A Pot Anew

2008-10-08T21:55:00.008+08:00

October 7

I opened the door, about to unlock the grills, when i spotted the mess in my porch. "Stupid idiot cat," I cursed under my breath. "Don't let me catch you or you are so dead," I fumed away as I scooped the poor plant into a small spare flower pot. I looked at my watch and I was late hitting the road and dreaded the traffic on the LDP after seven in the morning.

The big pot with my money tree was knocked over by a cat somewhat middle of the night, and there was soil all over, within one and a half feet radius of the broken pot. That also explained the thud that woke me up from my slumber. I am a light sleeper, sigh.

When I finished potted the plant, swept the remaining soil aside to be cleared later when i get home in the evening, and threw away the broken pot, I left for work. As I drove, I pondered. Was there a need to be upset? Could I have viewed the mess differently? That reminded me of the book, Buddha that said that one's emotional state was 100 percent within one's control. Getting upset or angry at something or someone was giving away that control, and I lost that battle this morning, to an unknown cat! (Darn!)

Not everything and everyday would turn out the way we would like them to. As Master Oogway said to Po, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift and that is why it is called present. Everyday is a new day, and day in itself cannot decide to be good or bad. It is how we react to people and things that determine the outcome. There would be hitches and glitches, good days and bad, and it is through these that we learn to see the good in bad, the meaning of optimism and hope. The flower pot was broken, but the plant is still alive. All I need to do is to get a new flower pot. :)

Journey to the East

2008-10-08T21:21:00.010+08:00

October 2

After many years of not stepping foot in the town of Bentong, we took a trip to visit my Khaw Foo, who was re-posted back to oversee the Lee plantations in that district a few months back. Travelling on the Karak Highway, the scenic landscape was a soothing treat for eyes that daily saw heavy streams of cars on highways twice a day. Layers of mountains in green-blue hues as far as the eye could see - the Titiwangsa range that separates the town from the much congested and polluted city of KL. One could even smell the grass and trees in the air. Ah, so refreshing and I had missed the smell of greens, like those in Taiping. Would these still be around in the next 10 or 20 years? Would urbanisation wipe these away?

Typical of a chinese family, we nursed our stomach the moment we reached. Khaw Foo had earlier booked a table at Qin Han Lou for lunch and a lavish one we had. Among its signature dishes were the fish paste noodles in soup with superior chinese wine and fresh steamed fish balls that were amazingly springy and tasty. We had steamed pomfret that was so fresh that its flesh was sweet and crunchy. The most expensive dish was probably the stewed deer tendon with water terrapin flaps. The other dishes were yong tau foo that were served rather differently from those in KL, stir-fried spinach with anchovies, sliced pork in black pepper-mustard sauce, and fried tung fun, (glass noodles) with prawns, onions, eggs and chillies that was eaten wrapped in fresh chinese lettuce.

Contrary to the Buddhist monk, Zuanzang's pilgrimage to India to obtain Sutra, the Buddhist religious texts in one of the greatest classical novels in Chinese literature, Journey to the West, we were lured to the East by the delicious food. Now, weren't we religious? :P

Brick-away

2008-10-08T09:50:00.008+08:00

October 1

The first day of Eid ul-Fitr, or commonly known as Aidilfitri, the day Muslim friends celebrate the end of fasting in the holy month of Ramadan, it was our visit to the apartments that my cousins purchased and had been handed the keys. One of the units was to be renovated for stay, whilst the other three units were placed on the market. It was an easy drive to Old Klang Road as there were not many cars on the road.

The contractor Mr Tan, a friend of my Khaw Foo's, was very professional and patient throughout the entire discussion between him and Say Yee and Uncle Simon. Whilst the latter two described the changes and renovations they had in mind for the wet and dry kitchens, he offered many good suggestions for placement and materials to be used. He even warned my aunt against closing up the entire kitchen balcony with a brick wall and to check the regulations and requirements with the building management to ensure that they do not get into trouble with the local municipal. Such wall enclosure would change the outer design of the apartment and this was considered as illegal renovation works and extensions.

After two whole hours, it finally concluded and Mr Tan was to provide a quotation for the agreed renovation works and materials. That was five in the evening. All four cars then travelled to Seri Kembangan, to Khaw Foo's house in Taman Universiti Indah, which was recently extensively renovated as preparation for his son, my cousin, Anthony and wife-to-be, Mei Yee's wedding later in December.

By the time we were done, it was just over six and we decided to have dinner in Seri Kembangan at Soong Kee Restaurant. Ah...good food. We had a wonderful dinner in good company :)

(Top to bottom) Steamed chicken, Four Heavenly King (stir-fried aubergines, long beans, twisted cluster beans (stink beans), and okras with prawns, onions, dried chillies and sambal paste), and Fah Guat Lung (boneless fish)

Price of Vanity

2008-10-04T18:55:00.015+08:00

September 13

"Cheryl, you are one of the 50 recipients of the complimentary vouchers from Bizzy Body whom we have selected to extend our promotion to. When would you like to come in?", asked Karen from the Uptown Bizzy Body outlet few days after the voucher had expired on August 31. The voucher came when I made some purchases from Edmundser 1Utama about two months back during sales. The voucher was for a facial or a body slimming session. I had totally forgotten about it. The call took me by surprise rather than delight. Oh well, I thought I might as well give it a try, and made an appointment.

As I was waiting to be attended to, I saw a few middle-aged ladies came through some doors after their facial treatments and realised I was the youngest. Of course the outlet service staffs, beauticians and consultants were much younger, well groomed, and good looking.

Before the session commenced, the outlet manager and beauty consultant, Hooi Ping sat down with me to run through some Q&A, a session done with each client and deemed necessary to understand clients' lifestyle, diet and beauty regime. My regime turned out to be the most basic and minimal - cleansing, toning, moisturising. No skin-whitening products, no day or night serum, no anti-wrinkle products, no hydrating cream or whatsoever, and no weekly or monthly facial treatments. Firstly I was just too lazy to do anything more than the necessary, secondly nothing that would escalate my cost of living, and thirdly, too impatient to spend hours in front of the mirror looking back at myself.

The other questions on body care and body slimming received affimative no from me. Never thought of slim wrapping, or any other body care and slimming therapies except for gym workouts. I could not really determine the expression on her face, whether it was contempt that I seemed to lack regards for body care, or sorry that I was ignorant to body care as part of personal grooming.

My weight and height was recorded before i was to be attended to by another body slimming therapist, Jeannie. In I went to a room for slim wrapping after changing into a satin-like robe. Measurements were taken, from my arms all the way down to my ankles. Ginseng essential oil was applied on my arms, mid torso and legs before three to four layers of tight string wraps went around. I could hardly walk, except to hobble a few steps and plopped myself onto the therapy bed, which had a thermal blanket-like wrap spread out. Soon after i was wrapped up like a cocoon and Jeannie turned on the heat, and adjusted the temperature. It lasted 30 minutes.

The subsequent 30 minutes were spent on what I would term as mild electrocution. Electrodes were selectively placed on areas that required slimming. Similar to the electrodes used when one does electrocardiogram (or ECG in short, a test to record electrical activity of the heart), except that they were slightly larger. While the ECG records the electrical waves, the machine for the slimming therapy was sending out the electrical current that resulted in the selected areas to vibrate. The higher the intensity, the higher the vibration. Measurements were taken again when the session ended.

The therapy session, had i to pay for it, would have cost RM520. Yes, it was an experience to know what slim wrap was like, especially Rosie Phua in Phua Chu Kang seemed to be obsessed with the treatment (haha). This is what I would term as an activity for the rich and famous. As for me, even if I turned a billionaire overnight, such therapy is not of any priority. I must say though that it is a fast-growing business as beauty trend takes on a new perspective, and spending power for such treatment is on the rise.

It is undeniable that beauty can be an asset for monetary gains, hence the price tag. Exceptionally beautiful people walk on fashion runways, appear on commercials, or on the covers of lifestyle, beauty or fashion magazines. That is how the world sees beauty, not that it's wrong, just a different perception. Such has been the benchmark adopted by society in general for the longest time.

Beauty is really quite subjective and is perceived differently by different people, different races. Does it matter if one is tall, average, below average, petite, lanky, voluptuous, muscular, fair, dark, or tan? Everyone is beautiful (and clothier, WH takes on this tagline). As they say, beauty is skin deep and beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Price tag or no price tag, benchmark or no benchmark, whatever shapes and sizes and colour, well, that is probably something worth pondering upon. And sometimes, not everything is about physical beauty, and dollars and cents. I once read, being beautiful may not neccessary be a good thing. Hmmm...

The Ken-Wen Union

2008-09-28T22:25:00.090+08:00

September 1

The house was already buzzing by seven thirty in the morning when the makeup artist stepped in for a makeover for my sister. Excitement filled the house as the first wedding of the third generation in family house was about to take place. The groom was to arrive in another two hours to pick the bride. Of course he was not to have it so easy. Maggie, the mastermind had planned some fun for the entourage, and the rest of us, the executors were getting the items ready after a quick breakfast. Pumping caffeine into our systems seemed sensible to keep us going for the long day ahead.

Final touches to some of the wedding gifts for the groom

On a steel tray were a handful of rollers biscuits. With a toothpick, I removed the sweet strawberry-flavoured filling, and in went wasabi, Japanese mustard that usually goes with sushis and sashimis. To our dismay the wasabi turned out to be less nostril-flaring than we had hoped it would. (Ding Ding Ding....) we then brilliantly stuffed white pepper into each tiny roll.

Wasabi-filled rollers and crackers coming right up!

Kenix and Mei Yee deftly spreaded wasabi onto some light thin crackers and topped them with square sheets of seaweed. There was also the funky concoction of pineapple juice, tabasco and light soy sauce for the enjoyment of the groom's heng tai, a group of males that accompany the groom. In the room, the makeup artist was done. Wendee looked radiant but anxious. Khaw Foo and Kham Mou (mum's younger brother and his wife) wore the veil on her head. It is customary for the veiling be done by a living married couple with children as it is believed that the happiness and good life enjoyed by the older couple would be resonated in the life of the younger couple.

Car honks blared, breaking the anticipation and anxiety. The entourage of three cars arrived. The wedding car, a shiny black BMW 530i, decked up front, back with bouquets of fresh pink and champagne roses. The door handles were no exception.

The entourage arrived with gifts for the bride's family

The entourage was served drinks and assorted kuih (cakes) whilst waiting for the groom, Kenny to start the negotiation for his bride. The groom had six heng tai, made up of his cousins and friends that sportingly drank and ate the stuffs that we, the chi mui prepared (Chi Mui is a group of female cousins or friends that accompany the bride. In our case, we had enough cousins to form a decent size group :) ). The ultimate game was to don the disposable underwears. Each piece carried an alphabet that made up the bride's name - WENDEE. On the back, when all six stood in a row read 'Hit Me Baby One More Time'. They serenaded the bride (listening in the room, through the window) with Yue Liang Tai Piau Wo Te Xin (The Moon represents My Heart), a famous piece by the late beautiful Teresa Teng.

When all those hilarity and merriment settled, at the entrance to the house, the chi mui 'negotiated' for a satisfactory ang pow (red packets consisting of money) before the door was opened for the groom to claim his bride. Wendee, accompanied by Khaw Foo and Kham Mou emerged from the room, and was handed over to the groom.

Ready for the groom

Smile *click*

As the couple left the house, Wendee was shielded with a pink umbrella till she got into the wedding car, not from the sun but from the fiery darts of the evil as the chinese believed. Rightfully, the couple was to proceed to the groom's family for the tea ceremony and return to the bride's family for the same. Kenny's family, however resided in Penang and the wedding dinner later in the night was to be held there too. To save time and extensive travelling, the couple took a spin before returning to the house. The act of bride leaving her house was symbolic of her entering womanhood, marriage and her new role in the groom's family.

Off you go...

Tea ceremony for the bride's family began with my mum, followed by my grandma. Only then, my aunts and uncle were served tea in the sequence of their seniority within the family by the bride and groom, who received ang pow as symbol of happiness and prosperity. Tai Yee (First Aunt), Khaw Foo (Uncle, who was a year younger than my mum and the second son. My first uncle passed away when he was 12 years of age), Say Yee (Fourth Aunt) and their spouses. Sam Yee (Third Aunt) and Lai Yee (Youngest Aunt) and their spouses were unable to make it back from Australia for the wedding, hence tea would be served when they next return.

Wedding gifts for bride and groom after serving tea to mum

Thanksgiving prayers and respect for the deities and ancestors at the altar

Tea for the elders in the family

In the third and same generation, Adrian and I were the only couple being served tea as we were senior to the bride and groom. Peggy, my cousin who was a year older than my sister was not served tea as she has yet to be married. The younger cousins were given the ang pows (red packets) in the sequence of their seniority within the generation. Five other cousins in Australia, Howie, Frances, Geraldine, James and Mark and two in Shanghai, Nicholas and wife, Lulu were unable to return for the occassion.

The bride and groom left for Penang after the simple ceremony, accompanied by the groom's entourage, and three of us, Maggie, Kenix and myself. Adrian and Tai Yee Cheong (First Aunt's husband, and Maggie's dad) followed suit, driving Wendee's car back to Penang. The other members of family would drive up in the evening for the dinner.

We arrived in Bukit Dumbar almost an hour after departing Taiping. The tea ceremony for Kenny's family took place in his aunt's new house, which ended 45 minutes later with lunch. We had couple of hours before the dinner. After leaving our things and changed at a relative's house in Pulau Tikus, Maggie, Kenix and I headed out looking for Penang snacks with Maggie's Penang friend,
Sean.

All dressed up, we arrived at the chinese restaurant half an hour to seven. Wendee and Kenny, and some of Kenny's family members and friends had arrived earlier. Guests trickled in, individuals and couples, then by groups. Maggie, Kenix and I helped with the guest registrations and seatings. All 28 tables were finally filled up. The wedding march in the backgroud as Mr and Mrs Kenny Ping marched in, with cousins all lined up along the red carpet, throwing rose petals over them as they walked toward the main table at the front.

Whilst the Four Season, the first dish and cold appetiser (steamed de-shelled prawns in fruit salad, BBQ pork, jelly fish and one more item that I could not recall since I did not manage to capture any picture of the dinner dishes as I was too busy feeding my growling stomach, and the gadget was not in my possession) was a little below expectation, the rest of the dishes were good. Rather extravagant, the dinner menu consisted of sharksfin with crab meat soup, roasted suckling pig, steamed fish, steamed herbal chicken, braised black mushrooms with broccollis, fried rice and dessert of sweet hot longan and sea coconut with lotus paste pancakes and omochis.

Drinking guests never saw the bottom of their beer glasses as they were re-filled fast and almost over the brim. A three-member band kept guests entertained with their repertoire of cantonese, english and mandarin numbers.

The three-member band that kept guests entertained during the dinner

Wendee donned a second evening gown, a striking vibrant blue piece with a broad fan collar mid way through the dinner. The earlier gown was off white-pale pink piece with floral details. The couple went on stage for the champage popping and toasting. Designated family members joined them on stage and made the three yum seng (toasts) together with guests. As commonly practised and seen at many chinese weddings, the newly wed couple fleeted from table to table toasting with guests. Our table of cousins was probably one the loudest that joyous night, with our stamina and breath well put to test and use.

Popping the champagne, pouring it and toasting with the guests

For the album

Just as all good things must end, the dinner did end, but we, the cousins decided to extend our party. We got home, changed and adjourned for midnight session of karaoke till three in the morning at the only Red Box on the island. That night was certainly an intoxicating night. We were unsure how many jugs we drank at the dinner as we could not keep count of the refills, and we had more at the karaoke. Thankfully we got ourselves home in one piece, and dropped dead onto bed, eyes far too heavy to open.

Singing our hearts out

Breakfast the next morning at eight was at Swee Kong coffeeshop opposite the Pulau Tikus morning market. We feasted on prawn noodles, appam balik (soft, fragrant thin flat cakes made from wheat flour batter prepared in claypots on charcoal fire), ang ku (vermillion red soft, chewy cakes with skin made from glutinous rice flour with green bean paste) and some siew yuk (roasted pork) bought from the morning market.

Prawn noodles, appam balik and how those yummy cakes were made

We left Penang after lunch and headed down for a stopover in Taiping before we continued our journey back to KL. What a weekend we had. Yes, tiring and draining that resulted us developing some panda-looking eyes but wonderful, exciting and joyous :).

P/S: The fantastic shots were taken by professional photographer, Ke Wynn. His works can be viewed at http://wedding.whizarts.com/blog/?cat=3

Bridal Shower @ 418

2008-09-20T16:57:00.030+08:00

August 31

My aunt, Vivian was preparing the dough to make the glutinous rice balls for my sister, who has to partake them at midnight during the prayer session. Symbolising peace and unity, the round, soft, and chewy balls served in syrup are a must for chinese grooms and brides on the night before their weddings.

Aunt Vivian making the dough

Adrian and Aunt Shanny helping to roll the dough into balls

The midnight prayer for my sister Wendee, dressed in new set of peejay for the session, after which she ate the glutinous rice balls in syrup

It was the country's National Day and while the nation celebrated the day Malaysia declared independence with parades, dances and a whole lot of other local activities, we started the day helping out in the kitchen cleaning, peeling and cutting vegetables - broccollis, cauliflowers, carrots, sweet peas, turnips, french beans, shallots and garlics - in preparation for the bridal shower buffet in the evening. Aunt Vivian was scraping fish meat to make fish paste and cleaning the smooth, soft square-shaped beancurds for stuffed beancurds, whilst Aunt Poh Yee, Aunt Shanny and my mum were cleaning and cutting the vegetables. My cousin Maggie was busy shredding turnips and
carrots and I was slicing the french beans finely. The vegetables were for mixed stir-fried vegetable dish and fried popiah - deep-fried shredded carrots and turnips with dried shrimps, wrapped in 5" x 5" square paper-like wheat sheets.

The kitchen was buzzing the whole day with loud chatters, click-clacking of clogs as everyone was moving about getting the ingredients ready for the three dishes that were to be served with five other catered items for the dinner buffet. The last two items, fruits and cordial were prepared by yours truly.Tables were laid out and lined on the porch an hour before the dinner started.

At six in the evening, guests started arriving - family friends and neighbours. The whole place livened up with hearty laughters, carefree and happy chatters and good food. It was the first time our family had a bridal shower buffet at our family house, and probably the last as my other unmarried cousins unlikely to have their weddings in Taiping. My sister was the exception as Kenny, her hubby-to-be was from the state well known for assam laksa and nasi kandar - the Pearl of the Orient; and the wedding dinner was to take place at the chinese restaurant next to the Penang Chinese Recreation Club.

The family matriach walking out to greet family friends and other guests

Guests seated at the tables out in the porch

Guests helping themselves to the spread

Aunt Poh Yee and Aunt Shanny in light chat with family friends

Family members getting the food after most guests have taken their shares

All cousins - (from left) Maggie, Anthony, Calvin, Kenix and cousin-in-law-to-be, Mei Yee

We arrived in Taiping the day before in the morning about 9.30. The drive was smooth, and the highway was unexpectedly congestion-free, much to our surprise since it was the Merdeka weekend. Upon arriving, my grandma impatiently asked us to put up the red cloth over the main door. Maggie and I quickly got to work, least the matriach start nagging.

Up and good

In the late afternoon, Adrian, Maggie and me took a short drive into town for the famous cendol from a stall behind the St George La Salle secondary boys' school. It is a norm for us, cousins to treat ourselves to that refreshing dessert each time we make our trips back to our hometown, especially in the hot afternoons. That afternoon was just the three of us as our other cousins had not arrived from KL and Bentong, Pahang.

Simple pleasure of life

During the drive back to the house, my attention was on the blue sky and the cotton like clouds. Somehow the sky seemed bluer than in KL. Perhaps having caught up daily with driving to work as early as 645am and leaving after six, and sometimes much later, with no driving out in between since I bring lunch to work, I have not seen such blue sky for a long time. That afternoon, I was reminded of God's handiwork, and such a master painter He was. In all His wisdom and creativity, the sky looked beautiful with such vibrant blue that I decided to capture a few more pictures of it.

(Bottom two pix) The big cactus in the house garden against the blue sky, with one of its flowers

That night, our dinner was at a chinese coffeeshop-restaurant in town. The food served was quite good, except for the sweet and sour pork, which was rather bland. The fish curry and the stir-fried kangkung with chillie and dried shrimps were delicious and we cleaned the plates (both ours and that from the older folks' table because they could not finished).

The five dishes for the family dinner. (Left, top down) Fish curry, steamed homemade beancurd with minced pork, sweet and sour pork

(Right, top down) Fried chicken with crispy onions and stir-fried kangkung with chillie and dried shrimps

Friends Are Forever

2008-08-25T22:17:00.007+08:00

August 22

Some of us hold on to precious thoughts and memories of friends, and often recall the good times together. For some of us, friends are our brothers and sisters whom we share laughters and tears, happiness and misery, joy and sorrow, truimphs and failures and who are there for us when we are high with successes and down in the darkest hours.

Some call it bonding. Others call it brotherhood or sisterhood. Friendship is the establishing of mutual knowledge, understanding, trust, respect, esteem, affection, honesty and loyalty between two sentient beings. Central of human experience and engendering a sentiment of camaraderie, frienships vary in degree of closeness and exclusivity.

Recently, I saw pictures of a group of high school friends, who I used to hang out so often and so much that when we were about to leave school, we made a forever-friends pact.

There was something missing though. I was not in the picture, and my heart sank. A deep sense of sadness swept over me as my heart was laced with disappointment, guilt and regret. I had fallen out from the group. Over the years I had not been in touch with them much, occasionally dropping one or two of them emails and messages. A few of them left the country for a better life overseas. The picture was taken at a gathering as two returned recently for holidays.

I was guilty and regretted for losing touch with them. I was guilty of the lack of behaviour expected of a friend. What I shared with them in those carefree high school days were lost and no amount of effort can restore the bonding we shared, or mend the broken relationships. Some friendships, unfortunately are unable to pick up where they were left off. Perhaps my consolation comes from the good memories I had with them; and though now I have lost the closeness with them, I hold each of them close to my heart, and dearly in my thoughts.

Some would say that it is pointless to fuss over spilled milk. I can't go back in time but if there was even half an opportunity to turn back the clock, I would keep the bond. As I grew older, I learned to cherish good friends; while acquiantances are aplenty and frienships are easily formed, good and true friends are hard to come by, and even harder to keep.

(Standing, from left) Wooi Ling, Karen, Lai Yee, Adriane & Poh Gaik

(Seated, from left) Lynnette, Swee Hoon & Seok Teng

BMR Over Dinner

2008-08-19T15:39:00.019+08:00

August 18

(left, clockwise) stuffed mushrooms, Margherita pizza, chicken milanese, and Sicilian chicken salad

Reservation for six was made for dinner at 7.30pm. One by one, they trickled into the restaurant from various workplaces, from Port Klang to HP Tower in Damansara Heights. A finance manager, an analyst, a financial controller, a corporate communications manager, a financial planner, and a financial & tax consultant.

There were Senny, Li Lian, Bee Kwan, Wei Hong, Wei Chon and myself. We met in 1994 as coursemates in Tunku Abdul Rahman College, better known as TAR College (TARC). Remained in touch over the years, but last met three years ago, we decided it was time to catch up. Some others, unfortunately, were unable to join us.

While the five of them pursued their qualifications and remained in financial sector, I had long given up on that line of work. I was simply not cut out to do finance or accounting. I was in TARC for only one-and-a-half years, and i re-applied for a place in one of the local universities. I wanted to get into a university, and I also knew I would not had made it had I stayed on. Into University of Malaya I went and never looked back since, except for the good times shared with them whilst i was there.

Stories of work, spouses, kids, and food were exchanged across the tables and it took us quite a while to actualy look through the menu and ordered our food. So caught up we were in conversations that none of us wanted to think too much of our drinks. We ordered the same thing - ice lemon tea, haha.

(above) Wei Chon (left) and Wei Hong

Senny (left) and Li Lian

All four ladies turned and gave Wei Chon a questioning look when he first declined to take a piece of the Margherita pizza that just came. Earlier he took a scoop of the Sicilian chicken salad. Claimed that he was cutting down on his food intake to reduce some weight. But he was not fat at all, so we figured that he must have had dinner date with his other half. Well, he did finish the pizza after much coaxing.

raisin bread pudding

Sad bunch we were when we thought the whole dinner was rather sinful by the time we hit the fourth dish. We had not even had our dessert of raisin bread pudding! The topic of BMR (basal metabolic rate) came into discussion. The higher the score, the better of course. That means we can eat more. http://www.internetfitness.com/calculators/bmr.htm

My last medical checkup was done in the early part of 2007. Three quarters of this year are almost over. My next check should be done come 2009. I am not too worried about my bad cholesterol as I have been abstaining from popular culprits - roti canai and nasi lemak - the former for eight years now and I last had the latter almost six months ago. No fan of fast food, my last visit to a fast-food chain was almost two years ago. The last deep-fried chicken i had was almost two weeks ago, which i prepared for the dinner with Connie, Fai & Mary Anne. That is just a small part. There are other stuffs to check. Protein, glucose, uric acid, creatinine, enzymes, minerals & electrolytes. There are also the various scans, and ECG, yada yada ....oh well... :)

The First Candle

2008-08-19T11:09:00.006+08:00

August 17

Mommy, Diane was in the kitchen preparing orange cordial while Daddy, Sern Wei was getting the camcorder ready to capture shots and videos of the birthday do for little Amber, who would be turning one on Tuesday.

Adrian and I were the first two to arrive and little Amber had just been bathed and was being dressed up by the maid. Looking cute and pretty in a pale pink dress, with two dainty-looking butterfly clips on her hair, she seemed uncomprehensible of all the fuss around her.

(above) Amber in arms of Diane, and Lysandra in Christina's

Amber with mommy, Diane

Guests started arriving and soon the house was filled with relatives and friends, happily catching up with each other. They shared about their kids and what they have been up to. Toddlers, kids and young teens were all over the porch, living room, and the kitchen.

Calvin, 11 months' old and Lysandra, five months' old were the closest in age with Amber, who has two older brothers, Darren, eight and Ryan, five. While Lysandra was most of the time cradled in mommy, Christina or daddy, Bruno's arms, Calvin was already able to sit and crawl all over the place. He was a happy toddler, smiling and cheerful the whole night. He was busy with the toy he had in his chubby hands, half the time moved about as he was drawn to things here and there, unaffected by the crowd in the room, or the volume of adult chatters, or the Olympics on TV.

What a sight of parents busy attending to their juniors, playing toys with them, and cooing them on. Whilst most of the girls seated quietly with their food, and closed to their mommies and daddies, the boys were hyper. They played guns and replica of devices in the currently popular cartoon, Ben 10, and ran in and out of the house at the speed of lightning.

Diane and Sern Wei catered for burgers and satay for guests, something unusual for a birthday do, but popular among Malaysians, regardless of race. Given any point of time, kids and adults alike enjoy having those tasty Ramly burgers. Orders went in for berger ayam spesial, hotdog spesial and benjo telur. Beef and chicken satays were all snapped up.

"It has been ages since I had them," answered Adrian when Sern Wei asked him when he last had Ramly burgers. "I am forbidden to eat them," he added. Looking at him with half a smile and half a glare, I told him that he should thank Little Amber for giving him the reason to feast on them. Sern Wei and Diane laughed.

Little Amber was in the arms of her mommy, Diane who stood right in front of the birthday cake. It was time to sing birthday song to the birthday girl. Uncomfortable with the sight of so many pairs of eyes on her, Amber started having a downturned pout on her little face, and tears were welling up in her eyes. The singing had probably sounded thunderous and frightening that she began to cry. When it came to "....Happy Birthday to Amber", she was already wailing and screaming her lungs out. Grandma had to take her off Diane, and gently calm her. Ten minutes passed and she had the first bite of her birthday cake, lovingly fed by Grandma.

First birthdays, as many mommies recalled, were quite a do for their kids when they turned one. One thing for sure, they all added extra flavouring to their birthday cakes.

(from left) Laryssa, Bruno, Lysandra, Christina, Amber, Diane, Adrian and me

When I Becomes We

2008-08-14T11:37:00.010+08:00

August 13

Happiness was written on J's face when she shared with me that her partner, M proposed to her last week. She did not see it coming, she said, and it caught her by surprise. On one of her slender fingers was a huge, beautiful solitaire.

General perspection has that women would want their men to pop the question, be it an expression of sincerity, or a surprise that would bring about the rush and elation of being proposed to after a romantic dinner. Many would have had dreamt or envisioned how their weddings would be like. The big day, with perfection and grandeur in even the smallest of details.

From selecting the date for the signing ceremony to the perfect theme that best depict the union, from selecting a perfect pair of wedding rings (or bands, and mind you, there is a difference) to elaborate princess like gowns and charming suits for photoshoot, from planning the extensive guest list to door gifts, dinner reception venue layout, decor and menu. Those of Christian and Catholic faiths, there is also the pre-nuptial preparation course that a couple is required to complete six months prior to the big day.

My sister's wedding is coming up end of the month. The last i checked was the invitation cards were almost ready to be delivered to her guests. Earlier she had been in a dilemma in picking the right venue for her dinner reception, which was a battle between cost and setting & look. Was it a question of keeping up with modernity, or feeding one's ego (because do not want to 'loose face') or showing off to others, or was it a question of sharing the memorable day with family, friends, and guests. What have weddings become?

Every wedding is a beautiful memory and celebration, be it a simple signing ceremony, an outdoor wedding on the beach, in a garden, underwater or up on a mountain, or a extravagant elaborate grand wedding befitting a royalty. It's an expression of two soulmates' desire to spend the rest of their lives together, in happiness and sorrow, in sickness and health, for poorer and richer, for as long as they live till death separates.

The essence of marriage lies not in how beautiful the wedding ceremony or photos were, or how many guests attended the dinner, or even how unique the invitation cards were, or how well the decorations were done. These, after all would lie in the back of our memory as years pass on. The wedding album would likely be stored in the drawer, and the wedding gown in the closet (hoping to preserve it long enough to pass on to the daughter).

Being married for not too many years, I am no expert in relationship or marriage. One thing I do know is marriage states one's willingness to take chances in loving the significant half. To me, it is a lifetime journey of seeking and discovering the many treasures (and dumps,haha). A journey that moulds two individuals to be one, without losing individuality. Marriage is about acceptance, sacrifices, sharing, motivating and understanding. It is not about doing a favour by accomodating, and expecting the favour to be returned. It is about 'he' before 'i' (or 'she' before 'i'), and 'i' becomes 'we'.

Something About Mary

2008-08-12T13:44:00.018+08:00

August 11

There was definitely something about Mary - so much weight loss that we stood staring at her, lost for words. My good friend, Mary Anne returned for a short two-week break from Melbourne and instead of having dinner at some fancy restaurants, I decided a cosy dinner at our place would be a better idea.

Sunday afternoon, I was in my kitchen preparing away, cutting, slicing and chopping. Capsicums, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots, baby corns, turnip, onions, cloves of garlic. The night before I marinated some pork and chicken and had them in the fridge. Peanut soup with chicken feet and dried sole was boiling in the pot on one side of my two-burner stove. By six in the evening, I managed to whip up sweet and sour chicken with tomatoes, cucumber, baby corns and onions, black pepper pork with capsicums, stir-fried shredded turnip & carrot with dried shrimps, siew pak choy with garlic & oyster sauce, and soup.

Five of us - Fai, Connie, Mary, Adrian and I - adjourned to our humble looking junglelike garden after dinner for more catching up and dessert of ice cream. Mary shared about her life in Melbourne, occasionally about good old days when we were all working together.

Like Fai, Mary and I were colleagues in the same department when we were working for The Star. She joined four months after I did. Early one morning, she came up to me (more like she crept up on me, haha) and said "I heard that you do ciggies. You want to go down together?". From her coffee-coloured skin tone and facial features, it was obvious that Mary was of mixed parentage. "Are you Cindian?" I asked. "No, Cibai" came the reply. My face must have had the look 'why such vulgarity'. Mary laughed and explained that she was of Chinese-Punjabi parentage. From then on, we waited for one another to get into the department on the 10th floor, and did breakfast, lunch, and dinner or teh tarik sessions together. Fai joined us mainly for lunch and teh tarik sessions. Times when we weren't seen together were times when either one of us was on leave.

We are six years apart from each other, Mary, six years my junior and Fai, six years my senior. Together the three of us had lots of crazy chats, silly jokes and hilarious exchanges. Mary and Fai kept me company when Adrian was away for lengthy overseas projects. I am ever grateful and thankful for their unconditional friendships and all the wonderful precious memories we shared. Mary and Fai, thank you. Here's to a lifetime of love and friendship...CHEERS!

Mary, Fai and me

The Godly Allure

2008-08-07T21:43:00.024+08:00

August 6

My cousin, Maggie sent an instant message over MSN in the evening, exhilarated having booked herself and friend, Candy a good deal for her holiday trip next year to Bali, for the second time. Her trip to the Island of Gods last year included couple of places that Adrian and I did not manage to cover when we were there for our honeymoon in 2006.

Tempted to join her, I was quite sure I would not be able to get two weeks off from work. Lucky for her, Nyepi falls on 26 March 2009, a day before departing the island on her would be 13-day trip. Nyepi, primarily a Hindu holiday, is observed by all Balinese, including non-Hindu residents, out of respect for fellow citizens. The day would begin at 6 a.m. and end 6 a.m. the next day. A day reserved for self-reflection, all residents would go into silence, fasting and meditation. All forms of activities would be prohibited and businesses would be closed, including the island's only airport. Lights would be turned off and residents disallowed to go onto streets or beaches. Even tourists would not be of exceptions. Only life threatening emergencies would be attended to.

We covered most of the hotspots on our five-day holiday - Kuta, Ubud, Sukawati, Legian, Seminyak, Jimbaran, Nusa Dua, Tanah Lot and Kintamani. Our itinerary begun with dinner at Made's Warung, which came highly recommended. Located slightly further from Kuta Square, it served great Balinese and Indonesian dishes (then I was not into taking pictures of food, plus we were hungry, which explains why there were no pictures).

Captivating masterpieces in Dewa Putu Waris, Studio of Artist Painting in Desa Batuan.

The seven mile in diametre and sixty feet deep Mount Batur, the active volcano up in Kintamani (and no, the volcano was not phewing smoke in case you are wondering).

Paddy fields along the hills on way down from Kintamani.

Sunset at Jimbaran. Plenty of seafood restaurants along the Jimbaran beach where tourists would be seated on the beach and feast on their dinners at exorbitant prices.

Our second day dinner was at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co in Kuta, located opposite Bali Garden, the hotel where we stayed.

One of the many shops along the streets in Legian that sold colourful, assorted bead accessories.

Breathtaking seaview in Nusa Dua, where water sports prevailed. The curious me went for water-skiing and parasailing.

Tanah Lot, where one of of Bali's important sea temples is located atop a huge rock, and would be surrounded by seawaters during high tide.

The hotel garden where we stayed was a picture of absolute peace and tranquility.

We had a two-hour spa treatment at the Balquisse Spa in Jimbaran before we departed. Flipping through the album after so long, it would certainly be a treat to return to the island. A stay at a boutique resort would indeed be a luxury.

The Goodbye That Never Was

2008-08-05T14:50:00.011+08:00

August 4

The silence of the night was broken by upbeat flamboyant singing. Loud and boisterous, the annual performance was part of the ongoing Hungry Ghost festival celebration by the chinese community of Taoist and Buddhist faiths around our residential area. The seventh month of the chinese lunar calendar is also known as the Ghost Month, in which ghosts and spirits are believed to travel to world of the living from the lower realm.

Part of the street is cordoned off, making space for a temporary performance stage and an altar, which is filled with food offerings such as pink and off-white wheat buns, fruits, dishes, candles, joss sticks, joss papers, as well as deities and material offerings such as clothes,shoes, gold bars made of paper to please the visiting spirits.

The area is filled with smoke, especially at night from the constant, profuse burning of joss sticks, joss papers and incense till the 13th day, when the realm of heaven, hades and of the living are believed to open. The living would perform ritualistic offerings to transmute and absolve the suffering the those that had gone to the lower realm.

I wonder if I would get a visit this year from my beloved grandfather, who passed away almost 12 years ago. I was in my first year of university and was two week shy of my first semester break at the end of August. Earlier that year I was working part time in Resorts World, and I never saw him for Chinese New Year. I returned to KL to send in my application for a placement in local universities, and whilst I waited for the good news, I worked in an engineering firm.

Four years earlier, after his 81st birthday, he was diagnosed with renal failure, and had to undergo dialysis twice a week in Ipoh. I was in sixth form. The mornings he was to have his dialysis, I would dutifully prepare his breakfast, make his milo and pack bread for his late morning tea after the sessions ended.

Within the first three months after his demise, I had the same dream of him for three consecutive days. He'd not failed to pay me a visit in my dreams each year; either near Qing Ming (paying homage to ancestors) or during the seventh month. Perhaps he had missed his granddaughter. He was a dotting grandfather. Or maybe it was me who had missed him and had been carrying the guilt of not able to say my last goodbye. Perhaps a goodbye is not needed, for I carry the memories of him in me.

Whose Dream

2008-08-05T10:01:00.007+08:00

August 3

We went to an evangelical play Saturday night at DUMC Dream Centre in Section 13, PJ. My friend, Sharon and partner, Allan invited us. They must have been compelled to invite us, the two backslidden christians for such plays, in hope to guide these two strayed sheep back to the Almighty.

The play was about a young man, Kiang who was about to leave school, and his parents, who were hawkers selling prawn noodles, had high hopes for him, and of him. He was to fulfill the dreams that the older couple never had. Senior Khoo wanted his son to further his studies in Australia as an accountant. The young man dreamt of becoming a renowned chef.

The young Kiang went against his father's wish, left home and pursued his dream in a foreign land. During his six years away chasing his own dream, he paid tribute to his father by perfecting his father's recipe for prawn noodles soup paste. He had dreams to grow the business of selling prawn noodles into concept stores.

The older Khoo, though secretly proud of his son's achievements and success, could not bring himself to utter the words that his son yearned to hear. Instead of a pat on the shoulder, he continued to lash out his anger, disappointments, and discouragements. It was when his son decided to leave again that he finally came to his senses.

His best friend grew up loving plants and wanted to be a horticulturist. Instead, she pursued her father's dream and along the way, cultivated the love for architecture. She graduated and returned home as an architect, and enjoyed contributing to the family business.

It matters not whose dream each of us are pursuing in life, ours or our parents'. Be they paths that are self-chosen, or of higher calling, dreams of those whose hearts are set right are worthy of blessings, which in His infinite wisdom and time, would come to pass.

Fluttering & Buzzing Beauties

2008-08-04T09:17:00.046+08:00

August 2

Seated in the porch, I was enjoying the chirpings of birds in the trees and the soothing sound of cascading waters in our neighbour's new garden pond. It was amazing how therapeutic nature can be to the mind, soul and senses.

Having moved into this place of our own almost two years back, we have spent many hours under the scorching sun in attempts to beautify a modest looking patch into a garden. The patch ended up looking more a jungle, with mixture of water plants, creepy-crawlies, bougainvilleas, bamboo, japanese roses, monkey's cup, money plants, lantanas, bonsai, fir, and a few of other plants that we have no idea are called. We even have pandan, in case i need them as flavour enhancer for dishes i would prepare.

Our earlier efforts with flowering plants including daisy and petunia turned futile as they were delicate, susceptible to garden pests and caterpillars and required constant care. We decided to stick to those that needed less attention as Adrian and i only have time to tend to them in the weekends.

Our frequent guests are butterflies in all shapes, sizes, and colours, dragonflies, honey bees, birds and squirrels. The squirrels are the least frequent of them all. They would drop in on and off to forage for some forms of food (which I don't think are available). Birds would perch on the fence, occasionally chirped a greeting before taking off.

Dwarf honey bees, about the size of peas would buzz round, making pit stops at each flower to harvest nectar and pollen. These hardworking black-and-yellow striped foragers had started off as young worker bees cleaning and feeding larvae, progressed to receiving pollen and nectar and guarding the hive, before leaving the hive as foragers. They would remain so till the end of their lifecyle.

Elegant, svelte looking dragonflies often perched on the lotus in the small garden pond of ours. They visit us daily, especially the vibrant magenta-red beauty, though a lot less since our plant decided to stop growing. Characterised by a pair of large compound eyes, two pairs of transparent wings that are held horizontally, and occasionally downward and forward, they are often found near water because their larvae, nymphs are aquatic.

Our garden is probably one of the many playgrounds for those pretty and colourful butterflies that flutter daintily in mid air. Carefree and often oblivious, they would make short stops to sip and feast on flower nectar. As though possessing sixth sense, these beauties seem to know each time I attempt to capture still moments of them in motion (or rather not in motion).

More often than not, I would end up disappointed not able to do so with the idiot-proof digital camera. Perhaps we should invest in an SLR...

Sense & Scent

2008-07-31T00:49:00.013+08:00

July 30

Late evening, over yahoo messenger, my hubby wrote and asked if I would be okay if he was to be put in Bangladesh for a project and he'd be away for three to four months. My instant reply to him was I needed to call Connie and Fai to tell them that we would not be able to make the trip to Bangkok. Connie had earlier buzzed me to ask if early November was a good time for us.

This was our second attempt to spend a eating-and-shopping holiday in the capital of Thailand. Our first was last September, which was forfeited because Adrian was on project deployment in Jakarta, that lasted almost five months. It would seemed that the densely populated city, best known for shopping and food, was determined not to have us treading on its ground.

Breaking the news to the couple was easy since booking had not been made. But, I felt lousy. Fai and Connie, who knew how much I would love to see the place, were there last May. They were thoughtful and generous to want to make my maiden trip worthwhile. It would have been a swell time as we enjoy each other's company, and we love Thai cuisine.

Fai and I met when I was under employment with The Star back in 2003. He was my colleague in the same department, on different teams. I was introduced to my new colleagues on my first day of work. "Hi, I am Cheryl". "I am Leong (Kong Fai)," he replied and we shook hands. "Is that Bulgari Pour Homme Extreme that you are using?" I heard myself asking. He smiled and nodded. Despite six years difference in age, we became fast friends. Fai and I are great fans of Bulgari fragrances, and we could have lengthy exchanges on our love affairs with them. Pour Homme Extreme and Aqua Pour Homme are our favourites; and Pour Homme Soir had been added to my list.

Aqua Pour Homme

His wife, Connie is a lady with a big warm heart. Friendly, charming and wears a constant smile, she and Fai make a lovely couple. While he is a graphic visualiser and designer, she is an interior furnishing freelancer, catering to the well-to-do and elite society. Four of us, each from different background, of different upbringing, and with different work interests, bonded together by our unconditional acceptance of and love for one another. Like fragrance that stood the test of time, ours a friendship that surpasses time infinite.Pour Homme Extreme

Cake in The Oven

2008-07-30T00:25:00.012+08:00

July 29

"Cheryl and I are well," Adrian said over the phone to his good friend, Shoba earlier tonight when they spoke. "Lifestyle has not changed yet. There is no cake baking in the oven". He was referring to me not being in the way of the family, yet.

My better half had been sharing with me his desire to start a family, but would not dwell into it until I, The Oven, am ready. The thought of conceiving and raising a kid has been running through my mind, on and off. My friend, Karen asked me earlier in the afternoon if my maternal instinct had kicked in. No, it has not.

Brought up in very humble manner, and grew up with nothing close to extravagance, I told myself that I would not want my kids (if i ever had) to go through the same i did. Watching my friends having nice school bags and shoes. Uniforms tailor-made or bought off the shelf. I was fortunate to have hand-me-downs from my neighbour's daughters who were a lot older than me. Some friends had the luxury of piano lessons, tennis lessons, and the extra pocket money for Galaxie magazines, movies and music tapes. I had none of those. Even my revision books were hand-me-downs. Nothing wrong in using hand-me-downs, or not had all those lessons. It was a circumstance brought about by the lack of money, which made me appreciated little things i had, like my first fountain pen (which I still have in my possession). It is the psychological effect that I do not wish for my kids to grow up with - the inferiority complex that i had throughout my entire schooling years.

I love kids, yet deep within I have qualms that I am a mommy-material. I fear that I might not bring them up well, or fail in any way. Possessing some form of eccentricity of keeping things tidy, in place, and obsessed with maintaining a clean home, I doubt that I would be able to keep my cool(not that i have much) if my walls were decorated with tiny hand prints, crayon scribbles and creative drawings, or little filthy footprints on my floor. I know what Adrian would suggest for hired domestic help in the house to keep the place clean, when the time comes. Well, that is another arrangement that I have yet to be receptive to. Topping that, no junk food, no candies, no fizzy drinks, no fast food. I somewhat don't condone feeding on such for myself, an adult, let alone children. Even Adrian sometimes had to consume these behind my back, though he'd own up eventually. Then again, these might change when i actually have kids.

Two weeks ago, my uni friends and i met up for lunch, with our spouses and partners. There were five couples, and one highly available, pretty, talented content developer, Su-Lyn. Our friend, Mabel and hubby, Daniel has a year-old boy. Little Lucas was the star with lots of pictures taken by my photographer friend, Sharon. Like in a game of musical chairs, he was passed from one to another and was showered with attention (and kisses). I then wondered if I should start planning for one of my own. Am I ready then, to receive such beautiful gift from The Creator?

Cyber Love

2008-07-28T23:57:00.017+08:00

July 28

I got myself onto Facebook about two months back when my sister Wendee wanted to show me some of the studio shots taken for her wedding album. Earlier i did not pay much attention to the invites from friends. Now in the IT age, almost everything could be done online, from internet banking to internet shopping, and even staying in touch with friends and family. My cousins are mostly on FB, so are my friends. To my surprise, I got in touch with many former classmates and school friends on FB. That's the beauty of online social networks.

I found the love of my life through an online social network too :), to be exact, a matching making website, match.com back in 2003. I was single again after the end of an eight-year old relationship. Adrian was single after things did not work out for him and former partner, and was busy travelling for various projects that his company had engaged. Whilst i sought new friendships and social networks, he sought potential life partners.

Email exchanges started in April 2003 and we met up in August in Coffeebean in SS2, PJ. Our first date was a day after he returned from Pakistan. My long curls were damp from shower in the gym, which i then frequented daily after work and in the weekends. He was dressed all in black - black sweat shirt, black linen-cotton pants, black moccassins, and black-rimmed glasses. Quite an impression he left me. Contrary to his version (ask him now and he'd say otherwise), i did most of the talking, and how i struggled to keep the conversations going. We finished our coffee, and took a walk across the street where he returned some books to the rent-a-book shop. Our date ended with us browsing through a pet shop nearby.

Soon after, we met whenever he was back in KL and had more time for the dating game. We did what most young and working Malaysians did, we had teh tarik at the mamak. So much for romantic dates :P. On one of the few dates we had, I brought along another guy friend, Gerard whom i knew when i was in high school. I thought it was no big deal since we weren't officially dating, and this good old friend of mine was just looking for a friend to have dinner with. Little did i realised that Adrian thought it was an attempt on my end to say I was not interested in dating him.Later that night, his curiosity got the better of him and he asked why Gerard and i never hit off. I bursted out laughing. We had known each other for 16 years, and if there was something, i would not have had the earlier relationship, let alone dated my adorable suitor, who of course was relieved and (I suspected) had a gleeful smile on the other end of the phone.

I was on leave from work one afternoon when Adrian texted me asking for a dinner date. I said yes. He told me not to wear shorts because it'd not be at the usual mamak. It was to be at a restaurant, and he had something to ask me. That dinner took place in TGIF Section 14, PJ. The waiter took our orders, and promptly went off. Before Adrian could say a word, I asked " What is it that you want to ask me?". Taken aback by my directness, he had no opportunity to rehearse the question, though i was sure it ran through his mind umpteen times prior to picking me up. "I like you and enjoy being with you very much. I wonder if you feel the same. I don't intend to see anyone else. I want to see you exclusively. Will you be my girlfriend?". Yes indeed his feelings were reciprocated, and being someone who had always (still do) believe in yes being yes, and no being no, my answer to him was a simple yes. At the end of the dinner, we walked out hand in hand. I was on cloud nine and so was he. A simple one-and-a-half-year courtship was followed by wedding bells.

Making My Stand

2008-07-28T13:54:00.007+08:00

July 27

Born in the Land of Peace, known to many as Taiping, to a father who was into contruction and a mum who was then a factory worker, I was taken care full time by my grandparents and aunts who were then not married. Three years down the road, my sister Wendee came along, and my mum quit her job, with the very intention to fulfill her role as a full time homemaker. At the tender age of three, I already had a mind of my own. I refused to leave my beloved grandparents. I remember the first my parents took me home, hoping (and probably attempting to cut the attachment) that I'll forget the older couple. When night came and realising that they would not take me home to my grandparents', I started crying. Children, after a while would have probably given in to exhaustion but not me. I sat by the bed whole night through, wide awake and cheeks stained with dried tears. I was adamant to state my stand. So yes, I outdid my parents'so-called persistence and back i went to my grandparents' the next morning.

Being the only grandchild living with the elderly couple, I grew up pretty much alone, with neighbours' kids as playmates. We did all sorts of activities that 'kampung' kids would have done - running all over bare-footed, played hide-and-seek, climbed rambutan trees, mango trees, even coconut trees, and bicycled around. We raced each other barefooted, caught spiders, which we kept in match boxes, and grasshoppers too. We played with 'longkang' fish and caught tadpoles, getting ourselves filthy, smelly and sweaty. You can imagine my grandma screaming her head off each time she saw the filthy me. Once I had gotten a neighbour's flower pot partially broken whilst I tried to ride on her son, my fellow playmate's bicyle at the age of five. We hid the broken pieces, hoping that she'd never noticed. Yes, she did, and we got quite an earful.

I attended a co-ed school in my primary years. Growing up with boys (and girls), I learned to play as hard as they did. There were the girl games - batu seremban, the dance on the skipping rope made of rubber bands tied together. With the boys, there were chopper, a game which we threw tennis ball at the members of the opposing team, fighter jets play cards, and marbles. There were two incidents that saw me whacked two boy classmates of mine. One was me landing a big slap across his face and the other got a thump on his head. The one who got the thump was seated next to me in class and he was loud and a real chatterbox. The other got fingerprints on his right cheek because he was verbally bullying one of my girlfriends for being on the heavier side. Guess i was making a stand - respect your (girl) friends.

The Alternative Cure

2008-07-28T10:39:00.002+08:00

July 26

Having suffered migraines and neck aches for many years, i finally saw a chiropractor (http://www.familychiro.com.my/). Seeking the alternative treatment in earlier years was not possible as i didn't earn much and chiropractic care was relatively expensive, and not as well available as now. After an examination by Dr Choo, I had x-ray images done for four sections of my spine. Upon reviewing the images, i was told i have hope for permanent recovery as my spine was not badly misaligned, and the most important area to begin theraphy on was my neck as the misalignment in that area was the cause of my migraine and stiff neck. I was to undergo a customised theraphy for the next three to four months, including home theraphy. This means I potentially would be cured of my migraine that I had been suffering for the last 12 years and I can't wait to resume a migraine-free life. The problem has caused me much pain, discomforts, interrupted sleep, and inability to do the things that I enjoy doing, and in a way affecting my work, and productivity. And I am hopeful for this to work.

The Opposite of Fate

2008-07-28T10:32:00.005+08:00

July 24

This blogsite was created when my friend, Nicholas encouraged me to start my own blog, so here I am trying to get something up. (Thanks Nick, for such faith in me :P)

Sitting in front of my laptop, I am trying to think / recall what I had been up to, to get things going. The Opposite of Fate ( http://contemporarylit.about.com/od/essay/fr/oppositeFate.htm) is the title of the book I am currently reading. Bought from the bookstore over a year ago whilst I was waiting for my flight to Jakarta, I left it on the shelf, and had not done justice to it. Over a week ago, I picked it up and started reading. The Opposite of Fate saw the author examining her relationship with her mum, and as I was reading, I started examining my own dysfunctional family.

My relationship with my parents was in a way exasperating, hollow and bland. When my dad passed away in 1991,not a single tear was shed although I wished I had. It would have been easier for me and my siblings, relatives and cousins at the funeral. I just didn't . Simple truth - i was not touched to the core with grief; and that was because I was never raised by my parents. I had never lived with them. My maternal grandparents and aunts took on the task of raising me. I never got the toys and luxuries a child should have had because my parents never bought me any. I never discovered what birthday celebrations were like until i was 21 because I never got any cakes or gifts from them. I was out of their mind most of the time.

After more than 30 years of physical and emotional detachment, I would think I have forgiven my parents for what i deemed as failure to carry out their responsibilities as parents. Without doubt, my maternal grandparents and aunt did a great job, and provided me the necessities, including pocket money for school, and later university. My dad had long passed on, and my mum approaching age 60 soon. Looking back now, perhaps they'd have done better had things been different, and earning was not as difficult as it was. Is this then the opposite of fate for me? I wonder....